ExpectingWords.com - Helping expecting couples find the right words at the right times

Oh baby! It’s all about the baby. Whether you’re pregnant or a new parent, you know what I mean. That amazing love and connection you have with your mate is put on the back burner the moment the baby enters the picture. The irony is that while this romantic love brings a baby into the world, that baby can also cause the love to diminish.

Babies need constant attention which usually comes at the expense of the parents’ quality time together. But just like a plant needs water and sunlight to grow, a couple’s love requires time, attention and nourishment. Without those essential ingredients, love falters. One husband I see in my mediation practice said of his wife, “I love her but I’m not in love with her anymore.” These are harsh words, but there are some simple strategies to prevent those hurtful words from being uttered.
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We live in a culture of breastfeeding. Sixty to 70 percent of new moms today breastfeed and an additional group of women try it and switch to formula.

Since the decision to at least attempt breastfeeding is most common today, expectant mothers rarely discuss it with their partners during pregnancy. As such, most of us remain in the dark about the significant commitments breastfeeding entails until after the baby arrives.

Until I had my baby, I had no idea how hard it was to breastfeed. I soon found out that the decision to breastfeed meant committing eight to ten hours a day to nursing while sleeping in two to four hour increments. Additionally, I found it painful and frustrating as well as exhausting, leading me to switch to pumping after a few weeks. Of course, every woman’s experience is different. Samantha, a mom of 3 from Ohio, said “Once I got the hang of breastfeeding, I learned to appreciate it. I didn’t have to wash bottles and it was a chance to sit down.” Overall, she had such a positive experience, she’s preparing to do it again with baby number four due today.
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You would think that a baby brings a couple closer together, think again. A shocking new study reveals that 90 percent of couples say their relationships are worse after their first baby.

The researchers followed more than 200 couples for eight years after their wedding and found that the birth of the first baby was followed by more problems in communication, including increased criticism, withdrawal and self-reported lack of communication. In addition, couples suffered from decreases in confidence that the marriage would last and declines in overall satisfaction with the marriage, said Brian Doss, assistant psychology professor at Texan A&M University and one of the authors of the study.

Romantic Couples Suffer Most
When I interviewed Dr. Doss and I asked him which types of couples suffered the most, I held out hope that couples who had a good relationship before the birth were less likely to suffer afterward. Not so. The study found that spouses who were the most romantic before the birth of their child found the transition to parenthood the most difficult. “Couples who were really enjoying a lot of the quality time they were spending before birth had a lot more to lose,” Doss said. He and colleagues Galena Rhoades, Scott Stanley and Howard Markman of the University of Denver published their work in a recent issue of “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.” The study was funded by the National Institutes of Health. (more…)

When Fox News called to invite me to be their on-air relationship expert to discuss a revolutionary new idea taking hold in Australia – marriage as a seven year contract with an option to renew – I figured it was just a light media-made topic put out there to have some fun on the morning show Fox & Friends. I was wrong.

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