ExpectingWords.com - Helping expecting couples find the right words at the right times

There is no such thing as a perfect mother. My husband told me that about a week after our baby was born when I was feeling bad about not getting to him fast enough when he cried out of hunger. “It’s not going to hurt him to cry for an extra minute,” he said.

My husband had it right. It just took me a few months to get there, but once I did, I grabbed onto the idea of the “good enough mother” and haven’t let go. When I look back, I realize that the pressure of perfection made my life so much more difficult than it had to be. (more…)

You show him the light pink line on the stick for the first time. “No, you can’t be pregnant. I’m not ready for that,” he says. You were happy, now you’re not.

For one dad-to-be, the initial jubilation after learning about the pregnancy lasted about 15 minutes before the reality started to sink in, causing him to utter this unfortunate comment to his wife: “you will lose the pregnancy weight right? I just need you to get back here to where you are now. That’s all.” Oh how lovely, like she needed another reason to worry about getting fat.

A few days after finding out about the pregnancy another future father told his wife, “so I’ve been thinking about this a lot…we’ve got important decisions to make. I’ll let you have baseball and basketball, but I need football.” Of course the fact that the wife hadn’t even had her first doctor’s appointment wasn’t on his mind. How could anything else matter when the crucial issue of Junior’s future Cleveland Browns fandom remained unsettled? (more…)

Did you remember to stop at Buy Buy Baby to get the extra changing pad cover? Or, why did you tell your mother that? Or, did you really think that mobile would match the baby room? Or, you took the baby outside in this weather without the heavy blanket?

You wouldn’t think a simple question could cause so much conflict, but when you’re sleep deprived from pregnancy or a new baby, a harmless question is all it takes to start a fight.

Is a question an accusation? Is it a passive-aggressive way to say your partner isn’t doing things correctly? Or is it a subtle way to say he should have, could have, or you would have done something different?

A friend from Chicago, who shall remain nameless, told me that her husband thinks she’s been bitchier than ever, barking orders and making him feel like he’s doing everything wrong, ever since they found out she was pregnant. “I try to say things nicely by adding please and thank you, but he still thinks I’m nagging him when I ask him whether he finished reading the baby book. Is it so wrong to ask that question?” (more…)

Every expecting couple has the same conversation: Should the man go with his pregnant partner to the monthly, and then weekly, OB-GYN appointments? Some men want to go and others don’t. What’s the right thing to do?

The answer is that you should share the experience as much as is practically possible. The first factor to consider is: can the father-to-be miss time at work without reducing his pay or missing important deadlines and meetings? If it’s not easy for him to get out of the office, then it might be best for the family well-being that he only attends some of the more significant appointments, such as the ones where you see or hear the heartbeat for the first time, have an ultrasound, find out the sex and have an anatomy check. That’s what my husband and I decided to do.

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I know it’s difficult to sift through all of the pregnancy information and stories of motherhood on the Internet. Even if you know exactly what you’re looking for, you might never find it in the huge world of the web. I went on my own search for useful information when I was pregnant and found a handful of sites that I kept going back to again and again. These are some of my favorite blogs (along with more recent posts) and I want to share them with you so you can avoid that annoying Internet search frustration.

Below are 10 of my favorites. The posts cover an array of topics, but each is valuable. I’ll continue add new Top 10 lists whenever I have a good collection to post. Enjoy.

1. Heather Armstrong at Dooce shares a funny entry about the “appropriate behavior for a pregnant woman.” You mean you can’t eat raw chicken and run three times a week?
2. Vicki Glembocki at Blunt Force Mama on Oprah.com reminds us in her post When Mothers Attack that moms are always being judged. Fortunately, Vicki and her wise mother were able to find the perfect comeback. You’ll probably need one someday too (if you haven’t already).
   
3. Cara over at Baby Bunching offers a nice confidence boost for the summer reminding us that pregnant girls can rock a swimsuit, too.
   
4. (more…)