An open letter to soon-to-be Dads and new fathers: MAN UP you lazy #&%$. Seriously.
Posted by Laurie
Our guest blogger today is pretty awesome. His name is Tarzan and his wife is Jane and they have a baby they call Monkey. Well, actually those are their code names. They secretly blogged about their entire surprise pregnancy journey on their blog, HisBoysCanSwim.com.
And now that they are parents, they realize their journey has only just begun! A few weeks into parenthood, Tarzan has a few things to say to fathers-to-be. Here are his thoughts, in all their glory:
An open letter to soon-to-be Dads and new fathers: MAN UP you lazy #&%$. Seriously.
by Tarzan
You know, I debated and debated with myself whether or not to write this post. After all, it’s 2:39 AM and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. And besides that, this is surely a touchy subject with some of you – especially if you’re a lazy new father. But before I get started on my rant, let me fill you in on a little background here…
Jane ran out today to bring our dog to the vet and I was on official “Daddy Duty” and in charge of taking care of Monkey on my own. No big deal. No sweat. No problem. I enjoyed it!
When Jane returned, she told me about her conversation with the workers at the vet who hadn’t seen her since having Monkey. They talked about how good she looked for just having a baby three weeks ago, and about new baby and mommy life. A few of the workers there were also recent moms so they and Jane shared some stories and wonders of motherhood.
The subject of husbands came up and Jane bragged about how much I help out with everything. Things like: Monkey diaper changes, feeding him to give Jane breaks, staying up all night until the sun starts to come up so Jane can sleep at night, (trying) to keep the house neat/clean, vacuuming, dusting, playing with Monkey in the afternoon on his play thing whatever it’s called, always there with Jane to bathe Monkey, always game to watch Monkey when Jane wants/needs to run errands, and just trying to be the best husband and Daddy I can be for my wife and son.
Jane explained to me how the women she was talking to were shocked by everything I was doing – especially the parts where I change Monkey’s diaper, feed him, played with him, and helped Jane out all I can in between a crazy busy workload that is beyond piled up. Why were they so shocked?
Because they explained that their husbands are still too freaked and/or too lazy out to change diapers! Too freaked out and/or lazy to feed their son or daughter! Too freaked out and/or too lazy to do much of anything. What idiots. As I listened to Jane tell me about their conversation, I couldn’t wrap my mind around why or how some guys can be like this.One woman even told her that she went out with some friends to get a little break and her husband called her 30 minutes after she left and said, “Can you come home now? The baby is crying, and I have no idea what to do him.”
Another story she heard was one of the workers had recently given birth and while they were in the room resting, the baby started crying and her husband wouldn’t get off the couch and just wanted to sleep. This poor girl had a c-section and had to be given oxygen during labor! What a guy, what a guy.
Seriously, MAN UP!
Saying you’re too freaked out or grossed out to change a dirty diaper is an excuse so you can remain lazy and have your poor wife do all the work on her own… MAN UP!
Saying your too freaked out or afraid to be at home alone with your baby because “you’re just not ready to yet” is a lame excuse so you can play more video games, sit on the lazyboy and snooze, be lazy, and dodge the fatherhood responsibilities one more day… MAN UP!
You are a father now. You are 1/2 responsible for bring your child into this world. You need to step up to the plate and be a man. Seriously, MAN UP!
You’ll get over the poopy diapers. You’ll get over getting peed on. You’ll get over the fear of dropping your child while holding them. You’ll get over the fear of not knowing what to do when your son/daughter is crying. And the sure-fire way to get over all of these fears is to… MAN UP!
Shame on you for being such a lazy father. Shame on you for being a lazy husband. Shame on you for not wanting to learn how to care for your baby so your wife can take some breaks or get away if she needs/wants to. Shame on you for not showing your tired wife any support. And shame on you for your obvious lack of ability to… MAN UP!
Seriously, what are you thinking? You seriously expect your wife to handle everything on her own while you make excuses about fears or not knowing what to do so you can avoid changing diapers or feeding your own child? WTH!? MAN UP!
Oh, you’re too tired after working to help out around the house or hold your own child for awhile? Awe, poor you. I have so much sympathy for you. Why don’t you go take a nap, suck your thumb, and cry when you want to be fed you big baby. Seriously, MAN UP!It’s time to step up dude. It’s time to grow up. It’s time to be a real father to your child and a real husband to your wife. And, it’s time to…
MAN UP!
So what do you guys think? Do you know any husbands like this? Are any of your friend’s husbands like this? Do we have any lazy guys reading this who dare to comment and explain yourself as to why you’re a lazy father? Do you have any good stories to share on this subject? Post them below and help raise awareness for MALH… Mothers Against Lazy Husbands!
This entry was posted on Monday, August 24th, 2009 at 10:24 am and is filed under Baby Prep, Balance & Fairness, Roles & Responsibilities. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.
Tarzan,
I am going to print this out for my husband. I have an 8 month old and I still feel like I have changed EVERY poop diaper she has had. It’s sad really.
My husband just wants to do all the fun stuff with our daughter and none of the dirty work.
I lucked out with a super supportive and considerate husband who fights with me over who GETS to take the babies. I’m thankful.
I have friends whose husbands/bfs didn’t do much to help and the thing that got the most results was them talking to their spouses about expectations and being supportive.
Also, it’s a whole lot easier for a guy to help if they don’t feel like they’re doing everything wrong because it’s different than how Mom does it. So ladies, if your man offers to help and it doesn’t quite go how you want it? Be quiet and be supportive so long as your kid is taken care of and happy. Sometimes Dads do it differently and sometimes? They do it better.
I hate to say it, I love my husband, but he was the same way. I was in induced labor for three days, it was horrible, pain meds didnt work, oxygen, no food etc,. It was worth it, but horrible at the time. My husband left my grandmother there with me to go home and nap, when baby was born I was supposed to stay awake with her after the long labor, because HE was too TIRED. Then when we got home, he had issues with changing diapers and watching baby. I get medically sick afterwards and had to have a radio active uptake scan and couldn’t be near baby for 12 hrs, and I had to sit on couch to watch her and him.
I was hospitalized several times after and he would callme and be like just get better so you can get home and take care of kids. (I also have an 8yr old son) The day after I had a surgery done on my neck (thyroid removal) I was taking care of the baby. (ended back in the ER that day) SO, I hate to say it but htere are dads out there that are lazy.
I was never a mom that cared how it got done, as long as it was done. My hubby is more anal than I am on getting things correct.
Now, she’s 2 and he’s great with her, but it;s still a feat getting out of the house.
Now we want another one, have had serious talks and he swears that he will take care of the 2yr old and almmost 9yr old while I take care of baby, but hmmm, didn’t happen last time, will it happen this time.
Great post as usual Tarzan!
So many men seem to be looking for a new mommy for themselves when they get married. They just sit back and let their wives take care of everything. I frankly can’t understand why women continue to accept that kind of attitude.
I think it’s party due to the fact that as children and teenagers, boys are often not taught to cook, clean or do childcare so when they get married it’s a new world for them– NO EXCUSE though! I agree– MAN UP and learn. It’s not rocket science after all
*I* was the one who got up in the middle of the night while mom would pretend to sleep. If you think that many guys are like this, you’re hanging out with the wrong guys. I grow weary of the egotistical, know-it-all attitude mommybloggers seem to take on child-rearing. Sure, you carried it for 9 months and took all the difficulties that can come with it, that’s great, I know it’s not easy and can downright suck at times, but that doesn’t mean you’re an instant expert. Step down off the high horse. I don’t usually get offended, but this article ticked me right off. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go tend to my children.
Actually most of the men I know who are new dads now are very active in child rearing, but I realize this isn’t always the case. My dad was a great dad, but probably not the best husband. He wasn’t helping with dishes. dinners, or laundry and he wasn’t out back cutting up firewood either while both of my parents worked. My brother, on the other hand, is right in the mix at all times. It’s so wonderful to see him with his babies. He’s amazing. Bill — I agree there are lots of men out there that are very involved fathers. I see them all the time. However, I believe in most cases new mom’s don’t think they’re the expert at all which is why they are so desperate for help. And the “know-it-all attitude mommyblogger” you refer to is actually a daddyblogger. Tarzan is a guy.
My husband was useless when I had my babies. It didn’t bother me when I had my first one because she was an easy baby and I didn’t need any help, but when I had my second baby he didn’t help at all either and at the point I had a newborn and an almost two year old. I literally begged for help, multiple times. Help with anything, watching the kids for a bit so I could get some housework done, help with some of the housework, anything, and my husband looked me in the eye and told me “everyone else manages so you can too”. I asked him if he thought I was lying about needing help or faking, and he said yes he did! I have never and will never get over it. He is pretty good with the kids now that they are older, but frankly I would have divorced him long ago if it weren’t for the kids. I will never love him like I did before I had my second baby because of the way he treated me at that time. I remember when he said I was faking or lying, it was like being kicked in the stomach, it would have hurt less if he had hit me. So, if there are men out there who decide to pull this crap on their wives, just remember that it will have a lasting impact on your relationship.
I’m with Bill, And as a dad of 25 years I can tell all you mommy’s that it go’s both ways. Us guys get a bad rap for not being good dads with no consideration for the 8-12 hours a day that we put in to provide for are family. Not to say moms don’t work to. But more and more I see women that have babies and don’t want to take care of them.as they want to have a social life and live as they did before becoming moms. While us men live under the threat of divorce and having everyone’s life messed up. Having children is a18+ year job and if your heart’s not in it don’t have kids. It’s not just your life your messing up! And guy’s don’t forget the more you do the more they expect. THIS FROM A FATHER THAT PROUDLY DID IT ALL! So instead of dumping on the guys maybe you girls should think about MOMMY UP your self.
I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to do these things for THEIR CHILD! As a father of two i learned that the only way to balance a changing relationship is to take those new changes head on. Shoot, i was the first to change both baby’s diapers and it was nothing. It’s all natural… humans poop! I have some friends with kids and when they saw me going to town when we got home taking care of things… well, i think i made them mad because i was actually being involved in the action of being a father, not just the new title. What’s it going to take for people to realize that there are more aspects to parenting than playing and dressing up your kids in ironic t-shirts. Yes, it takes patience, understanding, and selflessness but it’s well worth it!!
Um, Bill? RD? The post was written by a new father, not a “know-it-all attitude mommyblogger.” I know you’re busy with your kids, but at least take the time to comprehend the article.
With a 60% divorce rate in the U.S. and gender biased child custody laws. You’ll be saying man up about getting rid of these stereotypical ideals.
Pandering to your woman now is a good idea, because you sure don’t want to end up in divorce court.
Thanks for the comments everyone!
I have a cousin who has had two children with one of those guys who refuses to “man up”. So much that for years he bounced around from job-to-job and was as lazy as possible not to have to deal with child support. After a big battle, it finally came back to bite him, but he still is as lazy as ever – he’s not in his children’s lives, and it just upsets me when I hear about him…
Us fathers (in my opinion) have no choice but to dive right in – you can’t help it! It feels as if you were thrown into someone else’s life in the beginning – wondering where in the heck yourself went. For the life of me I can’t wrap my head around why some guys take the easy road when it comes to being a responsible father – even right out of the gate.
Sure, it’s hard – and I’ll be the first to admit it’s MANY times harder than I ever expected – but you know what? It’s also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.