Comments on: An open letter to soon-to-be Dads and new fathers: MAN UP you lazy #&%$. Seriously.

By: Tarzan

Tarzan — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 22:56:29 +0000

Thanks for the comments everyone!

I have a cousin who has had two children with one of those guys who refuses to “man up”. So much that for years he bounced around from job-to-job and was as lazy as possible not to have to deal with child support. After a big battle, it finally came back to bite him, but he still is as lazy as ever – he’s not in his children’s lives, and it just upsets me when I hear about him…

Us fathers (in my opinion) have no choice but to dive right in – you can’t help it! It feels as if you were thrown into someone else’s life in the beginning – wondering where in the heck yourself went. For the life of me I can’t wrap my head around why some guys take the easy road when it comes to being a responsible father – even right out of the gate.

Sure, it’s hard – and I’ll be the first to admit it’s MANY times harder than I ever expected – but you know what? It’s also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.

By: Thad

Thad — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 20:48:58 +0000

With a 60% divorce rate in the U.S. and gender biased child custody laws. You’ll be saying man up about getting rid of these stereotypical ideals.

Pandering to your woman now is a good idea, because you sure don’t want to end up in divorce court.

By: Tim

Tim — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 18:39:52 +0000

Um, Bill? RD? The post was written by a new father, not a “know-it-all attitude mommyblogger.” I know you’re busy with your kids, but at least take the time to comprehend the article.

By: Gregoroni

Gregoroni — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:53:56 +0000

I don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to do these things for THEIR CHILD! As a father of two i learned that the only way to balance a changing relationship is to take those new changes head on. Shoot, i was the first to change both baby’s diapers and it was nothing. It’s all natural… humans poop! I have some friends with kids and when they saw me going to town when we got home taking care of things… well, i think i made them mad because i was actually being involved in the action of being a father, not just the new title. What’s it going to take for people to realize that there are more aspects to parenting than playing and dressing up your kids in ironic t-shirts. Yes, it takes patience, understanding, and selflessness but it’s well worth it!!

By: RD

RD — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 17:09:32 +0000

I’m with Bill, And as a dad of 25 years I can tell all you mommy’s that it go’s both ways. Us guys get a bad rap for not being good dads with no consideration for the 8-12 hours a day that we put in to provide for are family. Not to say moms don’t work to. But more and more I see women that have babies and don’t want to take care of them.as they want to have a social life and live as they did before becoming moms. While us men live under the threat of divorce and having everyone’s life messed up. Having children is a18+ year job and if your heart’s not in it don’t have kids. It’s not just your life your messing up! And guy’s don’t forget the more you do the more they expect. THIS FROM A FATHER THAT PROUDLY DID IT ALL! So instead of dumping on the guys maybe you girls should think about MOMMY UP your self.

By: Rose

Rose — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:23:28 +0000

My husband was useless when I had my babies. It didn’t bother me when I had my first one because she was an easy baby and I didn’t need any help, but when I had my second baby he didn’t help at all either and at the point I had a newborn and an almost two year old. I literally begged for help, multiple times. Help with anything, watching the kids for a bit so I could get some housework done, help with some of the housework, anything, and my husband looked me in the eye and told me “everyone else manages so you can too”. I asked him if he thought I was lying about needing help or faking, and he said yes he did! I have never and will never get over it. He is pretty good with the kids now that they are older, but frankly I would have divorced him long ago if it weren’t for the kids. I will never love him like I did before I had my second baby because of the way he treated me at that time. I remember when he said I was faking or lying, it was like being kicked in the stomach, it would have hurt less if he had hit me. So, if there are men out there who decide to pull this crap on their wives, just remember that it will have a lasting impact on your relationship.

By: ann

ann — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:12:25 +0000

Actually most of the men I know who are new dads now are very active in child rearing, but I realize this isn’t always the case. My dad was a great dad, but probably not the best husband. He wasn’t helping with dishes. dinners, or laundry and he wasn’t out back cutting up firewood either while both of my parents worked. My brother, on the other hand, is right in the mix at all times. It’s so wonderful to see him with his babies. He’s amazing. Bill — I agree there are lots of men out there that are very involved fathers. I see them all the time. However, I believe in most cases new mom’s don’t think they’re the expert at all which is why they are so desperate for help. And the “know-it-all attitude mommyblogger” you refer to is actually a daddyblogger. Tarzan is a guy.

By: Bill Vincent

Bill Vincent — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 11:43:57 +0000

*I* was the one who got up in the middle of the night while mom would pretend to sleep. If you think that many guys are like this, you’re hanging out with the wrong guys. I grow weary of the egotistical, know-it-all attitude mommybloggers seem to take on child-rearing. Sure, you carried it for 9 months and took all the difficulties that can come with it, that’s great, I know it’s not easy and can downright suck at times, but that doesn’t mean you’re an instant expert. Step down off the high horse. I don’t usually get offended, but this article ticked me right off. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go tend to my children.

By: Helen

Helen — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:39:12 +0000

Great post as usual Tarzan!
So many men seem to be looking for a new mommy for themselves when they get married. They just sit back and let their wives take care of everything. I frankly can’t understand why women continue to accept that kind of attitude.
I think it’s party due to the fact that as children and teenagers, boys are often not taught to cook, clean or do childcare so when they get married it’s a new world for them– NO EXCUSE though! I agree– MAN UP and learn. It’s not rocket science after all

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:10:54 +0000

I hate to say it, I love my husband, but he was the same way. I was in induced labor for three days, it was horrible, pain meds didnt work, oxygen, no food etc,. It was worth it, but horrible at the time. My husband left my grandmother there with me to go home and nap, when baby was born I was supposed to stay awake with her after the long labor, because HE was too TIRED. Then when we got home, he had issues with changing diapers and watching baby. I get medically sick afterwards and had to have a radio active uptake scan and couldn’t be near baby for 12 hrs, and I had to sit on couch to watch her and him. I was hospitalized several times after and he would callme and be like just get better so you can get home and take care of kids. (I also have an 8yr old son) The day after I had a surgery done on my neck (thyroid removal) I was taking care of the baby. (ended back in the ER that day) SO, I hate to say it but htere are dads out there that are lazy.
I was never a mom that cared how it got done, as long as it was done. My hubby is more anal than I am on getting things correct.
Now, she’s 2 and he’s great with her, but it;s still a feat getting out of the house.
Now we want another one, have had serious talks and he swears that he will take care of the 2yr old and almmost 9yr old while I take care of baby, but hmmm, didn’t happen last time, will it happen this time.