I despise people who let their children terrorize their public surroundings because then some stranger ends up yelling at the children and the children don’t even get the proper discipline… they just get yelled at by a stranger and then maybe by their parent.

Debbie

They need to learn in the most loving way possible that they’re not always going to have things they way they want them, and that life is not, in fact, fair. The sooner and gentler, the better.

Daddy is not going to keep his baby girl off of this stripper pole this way.

If the kid is running amok at home, it is that parents right to parent as they please. If it is in public and the kid is running amok and bugging me, I’d be telling the kid to go back to his father. I am sure putting a social “dent” in their evening would help.

If it was really bad, I would comment to the father or to the manager. I know taking an almost 3 year old anywhere can be nightmarish.

What the hell was the guy doing at a bar that does not serve food with a kiddy wink anyway?

Instead i have a tried to setup a environment where my children can flourish AS children, with lots of family around to play, activities to get them into, and sure restrictions when we cannot offer a free environment for our children.

But it is important for people to treat children with a great deal of respect. They may not have developed aptitudes for what we consider important, HOWEVER their capacity for learning is extraordinary compared to adults.

As far as bringing your child to a bar at night, that would be a case of setting up a situation that is not being very thoughtful for a kid’s state-of-mind. I would only do it if it was planned out to be more open / family oriented, where yourself and relatives can hold the child and bring them around to show them off, without worry that they will be breaking something. Those types of places are few and far between for us.

The research shows that the parenting that gets the best outcomes (responsible, confident, empathetic, productive people) is freedom and choices WITHIN LIMITS appropriate for the child, and the child having logical consequences for behavior. A three year old should not be choosing how to behave in a bar. She should be choosing what color cup she wants her juice in or whether she wants to put on her shirt or pants first.
“Do you want a blue cup or red cup?”
“Red!”
“Here’s your red cup.”
“No, I want blue!”
“You chose red. You can choose blue next time.”
“WAAAAAAH!” And when little precious throws her red cup, “You choose not to have juice now. We can try later.” The parent really won’t have to go through this too many times if they are consistent.

When they learn early on that their choices have consequences and they have to deal with that and they won’t be saved, they learn to take responsibility for those choices.

If it seems harsh to hold a three year old to her (appropriate) choice, here’s the other scenario:
“Red!”
“Here’s your red cup.”
“I want blue!”
“I’ll pour it in the blue cup.”
“No, I want the Micky Mouse cup!”
“Um, ok, I’ll clean it out.”
“No, I want to drink out of the syrup bottle!”
“Well, I guess I can empty it out . . .” When does it end? When our patience runs out, and the child doesn’t learn what the real limits are on her behavior.

I wonder when that Dad was hoping that girl would learn self-control and responsibility for her actions. At 8 when she’s getting kicked out of school? At 16 when she gets her car?