Mrs. Stewart

If people ask me I suppose I don’t tell a lot, it is just to painful. And people ask a lot!!!!!!! I usually put up a brave face and act like I don’t care, but I do.
I have countless cries after peoples insensitve remarks but I always walk away and have a cry in the bathroom. I know though that most people would not do that if they knew what we been through, they just don’t think.
I get tired of being strong, I am sick of waiting. I been patient for so many years now. When will it be my turn? Will it?
Abviously age is an important factor here as well. My time is running out and that freaks me out. I got so much to give.
Sorry if I am a bit pessimistic.
I got two embryos in the freezer which I am about to transfer one back. Please let this be my little miracle!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been TTC for almost 3 years now and have been through almost every procedure imaginable. I’ve had 5 m/c’s at various stages as well as 1 tubal pregnancy. So yes, I speak from experience here.

Throughout my struggles with infertility, I have always talked about what I am going through with family, friends, co-workers, and even strangers. Had I not shared, I would have had to mourn those losses pretty much alone. I found it much more helpful to have the support of everyone around me.

I have often started up a conversation with a co-worker or neighbor, just to find out that they went or are going through treatment, too, but were afraid to talk about it.

Many times I hear women say after a m/c that they just can’t bear to go on and try again. Again, I respond in the opposite way there. I get angry and even more determined and jump back in for the next round as soon as medically possible. I think I will know when it’s time to call it quits, but for now, I’m more determined than ever.

If you can’t bring yourself to share with family and friends, then at least join a support group hosted by your RE. Or share with people you meet on line who truly understand. I think if you just try to change your way of thinking about it, it may be easier to handle.
Just my two cents.

Thanks, and don’t give up hope! You never know what life has in store for you. It may not be exactly what you had planned, but you WILL get to the point that it all makes sense someday!

They are both in their 30’s and have been trying for some time now. I know how upsetting and difficult it is for them. For all the reasons most of you have posted. I found this web site because I was trying to find something comforting to say to them. I try not to bring it up but also want them to know I am there if they want to talk. And we do talk about it when they bring it up but I’m so afraid I’m going to say the wrong thing.

I know most of you are going to hate to hear me say this but I honestly believe stressing out about it and ‘trying too hard’ really does make it harder. I know that saying don’t stress about it doesn’t make the stress go away but I can’t tell you how many people I know that had been trying for years and then gave up and as soon as they ’stopped trying’ because they were going to start the adoption process or even adopted a child they suddenly became pregnant.

I know enough to not say ’stop trying so hard’ to my stepdaughters but I would love to hear some suggestions for something I can say to them that won’t make them upset. One of them is so stressed over it that she is making herself sick. I just can’t seeing her being able to conceive being that stressed.

Is there anything I can say to comfort them? Is there anything anyone has said to any of you that wasn’t insensitive?

I hope all of you that are trying to conceive are blessed with a healthy baby.

Thank you for all of your amazingly honest comments. I wrote a follow up blog post answering one of your questions about what to say to halt the advice-givers when you’re trying to conceive. I’m interested hearing what advice you would give the reader in that dicey situation. Here’s the link: http://expectingwords.com/struggling-to-conceive-how-to-halt-the-advice-givers

Thank you for contributing to this blog. Your insights help others!

Laurie

I can’t stand it when people give me advice about how to have a baby. “Don’t try so hard” they say. “Are you taking your temp daily?” they ask. I can’t stand it. No one knows what we are going through, except for two other people. Personally, it’s none of their business. I wish I could find a nice way to tell them to back off and butt out – but I can’t. Instead I sit there with my mouth shut and it keeps on going. I think everyone should read this article. It’s ridiculous what we have to go through with people who have no knowledge of our struggles to get pregnant.