ExpectingWords.com - Helping expecting couples find the right words at the right times

This is a topic I’ve written about for years.  A chapter in my first book Instant Persuasion is called “Ask and You’ll Receive.”  In it, I share stories of disappointed expectations, such as:

“I wanted a special Valentine’s gift and I assumed he knew that.  But he only got me a store-bought card and I was hurt.”   Um, honey, if you didn’t tell him that you wanted a wrapped gift, he wasn’t going to read your mind.  You set yourself up to be disappointed.

Communication Blunder: It’s a blunder to expect someone to offer you something that you want.

With all my insights and tips for others, I try to apply them to myself too.  Turns out I have a big mouth in the public world, but when it comes to home life, sometimes I have to push myself to speak up.  Anyone else like that? (more…)

When I started a Facebook fan page for my upcoming book, Fight Less, Love More (Rodale, Oct. 2010), I wasn’t sure whether I’d use it to announce book events or share advice.  Turns out a third and better purpose evolved on its own.  The fans themselves turned it into a forum to share their experiences with relationships.  I’ve been stunned by their honesty, and some of the recent fan discussions about the ups and downs of marriage struck me as a topic that expecting couples and new parents could relate to.

I posted this status update as a question:

“Couples often have phases in their relationships, good years, and then not-so perfect years and back to more good years.  If your relationship is going through a rough spell, don’t give up!  Has anyone experienced the phases and survived?”

In response, Heather commented, “4 years ago we did…we actually separated for 3 months. We were in our worst financial state. very stressful. We just realized we loved each other regardless and we pulled through! We learned to better communicate our feelings from that experience! It has been uphill and going strong since!”   (more…)

We moved to a new house a few weeks ago and the other day a good friend asked me how I like it here.  “I don’t know.  The house makes me nauseous,” I answered.

“Oh, and my car also makes me nauseous, so do the streets and my backyard.”  There really was no other way to answer the question.  I think I love it here, but I need to wait another few weeks before I can know for sure.

First trimester is icky.  Thankfully, I haven’t thrown up (yet), but the head spinning in pretty frequent.  If I think too deeply about something like my house or where to go out to dinner on Friday, I might gag.  My morning sickness wasn’t this bad during my first pregnancy (and I’m hoping that a different experience of pregnancy might mean that I’m having a girl.  I know, it’s delusional, but let me hope.)  One more complaint to add before I change the topic – I’m also extremely tired.  “How tired?” asked my father.  “Well, on some days, it’s as if I woke up in the morning and took NyQuil and then tried to go about my day.”

My new neighbor told me that during her first (more…)

I’m not talking about basic separation like leaving your child in the living room while you go to the bathroom (which is not always easy!).  I mean school or camp separation when you drop off your 2 or 3 year old and pick him up hours later.

Separation is a parent’s choice.  But how do you know when your child is ready?  I took my son to his first day of camp last week.  It’s a two hour program three days a week for two-year olds.  The other five kids in the group already separated, so Blake was only one who needed his mommy there part of the time.  I told him that he was doing a great job and that he could take as much time as needs to feel comfortable in the class.  I don’t want to push him if he isn’t ready yet.

While in the room with him I tried to be as boring as possible so he’d have to join the other kids and teachers to have any fun.  I’m hoping that after a couple weeks he will be fine in class without me, but if he’s not, then I’ll probably just take him out of the program and wait until September to try separation again.  Is that giving up too soon?   (more…)

It’s taken me two years to figure out what leads my husband and I to bicker about little things like how much our son ate for breakfast and whether he’s trending upward or downward in hour of sleep.  This hot button that that creates our fights is… math.

While my husband’s job relies on numbers and calculations, mine relies on words and thoughts.  It’s not surprising then that as we experience life with our son, my husband is obsessed with the numbers of our son’s life, while I am not.  I’m good at math, but I simply don’t remember how late my early-rising son slept last Friday.  “He got up early!  Who cares if it was 5:20 or 5:35?  It was early!”  My husband cares.

Any attempt by me to contradict my husband’s numbers, or to persuade him that the numbers don’t matter, is dumb.  We don’t resolve anything and we end up frustrated with each other.  So I’ve reached a new place mentally.  I will give in to his numbers.  He probably does have a better memory for the numbers, so why fight about them?  Regardless, the numbers don’t mean much to me.  It’s the present moment or the next morning wake-up time that matter.  It’s the fact that our son is talking more and more that matters to me, not how many words he knows.

Today I make a pledge: (more…)