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As a mom, I take the responsibility of raising my son (and hopefully any future children) to the best of my ability.  In terms of how to parent our child, my husband and I have delved into theories of discipline (apparently “positive discipline” wins out), healthy eating and building character.  With all our preparation, we overlooked the big elephant in the room:  Birth order.

At a recent mommy and me class, the well-trained parent educator explained that first-born kids receive their parents’ undistracted attention and loads of praise.  The impact:  they go through life seeking perfection and approval of their teachers, bosses and everyone else.  A first-born is the kid who would never imagine going to his fourth grade science class without having done his homework.  This can be a good thing: First-borns are more likely to attend college than children in any other position in the family.  New research discussed in Scientific American Mind shows a correlation between birth order and IQ (first-borns are smarter).  But, birth order can also be a bad thing: first-borns tend to be bossy, controlling, needy of attention and self-centered.

And what about younger children?  (more…)

The holidays can be loaded, don’t you think? Originally posted on Babycenter.com’s Momformation blog on December 16. Here’s my take on holiday guilt:

The holiday season is supposed to be about appreciating family, and yet this season often leads to family feuds, guilt, and lasting resentment.

It all begins with the annual question, “Where should we go for the holidays? Should we go to my parents’ house, my in-laws’, sister’s, my brother-in-law, or stay at our house? Can my children handle a long car trip or a plane ride? Can we afford it? Do we want guests at your house?”

All of those questions are important, but none touch on what seems to me to be the hidden underlying factor:  What choice (more…)

I admit it, my one year old son Blake watches Sesame Street on DVR in the morning and during many meals.

Actually, that’s not entirely true anymore.

When I made that admission last week at my son’s class, the teacher kindly admonished me. She explained, “When the TV is on, your child gets into a zone-like trance. That may be okay at 6am when you’re too tired to entertain him, but meal-time TV watching is the beginning of bad eating habits. Television makes your child zone out so that he has no idea what’s going into his mouth.”

Watching TV causes my son to zone out? But that’s exactly why I use TV, to zone him out so he’ll sit still in his high chair long enough to eat a healthy breakfast or lunch… or dinner. I never thought TV was educational (and the Baby Einstein refund practically confirms this), but I also didn’t think moderate TV watching was harmful.

I gave my “defense,” to the teacher and other parents, (more…)

When I was single I was selfishly happy. Not in a hurtful way to others, but in a natural way because I was my number one priority. Those were the days when I could choose whatever time was best for me to socialize, eat, sleep, work or take a long, hot shower.

Then I got married and that selfish feeling began to diminish, for good reason. That selfish single “me” became a less selfish “we.” I’d wake up in the morning and make coffee and eggo waffles for both of us. We’d take our turns using the bathroom, and then talk about what would be best for us to do together that evening or weekend day.

Then I had a baby. In just one day I went from a slightly selfish “we” to a totally unselfish three. Sleep? No way, I have to feed a baby. Eat? Whatever’s leftover will do. Socialize? No thanks, I have to save up my energy for those early mornings. Bathroom time, um, better hold it in until later. The baby needs a diaper change, like right now. When the newborn stage moved to the baby stage things calmed down a bit. I might have tried to take a relaxing bath while my husband cared for our son, but then I’d hear my son’s whaling cry and oh, well, maybe I should go help. So I’d shut off the water and scrap the bubble bath for a quickie shower. (more…)

I came across the following post on the babycenter.com message board and since I’ve heard about many pregnant women in similar MIL “it’s complicated” relationships, I decided to share some advice. What’s your advice for her?

mommietobe14
Posted 7/13/09

“I’ve known my MIL my entire life and she’s a really nice person. However, I feel that [she] wants to “take over” with baby planning. She irritates me with her thoughts and suggestions, and I get the feeling that she wants a major part in our baby’s life (more than just the normal grandparents visits. Our ways of life are somewhat different and I really don’t want my kid to be influenced by certain things she does. She has no one else (my husband’s her only kid, she’s retired and divorced). She’s been the type that’s helped everyone in her family and now she’s sooo excited about taking over our kid. I am not feeling it at all! I don’t even want her there when the baby’s born! I feel like I am being the wicked daughter, but I don’t know what to do! My Mom, whom I love dearly, may not be able to help much due to some health reasons, but I am okay with whatever she can do. But my MIL is driving me crazy! Is it just me?? Let me know whatcha think ladies!!”

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