One of my closest friends just entered second trimester.  After nearly 10 weeks of waiting, she has released herself from the hold of “no shopping until…” and off she went to buy and buy and buy.  Her husband thinks the shopping is a coping mechanism to deal with the pregnancy.  I don’t.

I think it’s the pure joy and desire to have her outside world reflect what’s going on inside of her.  But that doesn’t mean the wallet should become a bottomless pit.

One really cool way I kept my maternity clothes spending down was to ask close friends who had recently been pregnant whether they were interested in a maternity clothes merry-go-round.  One friend jumped on the bandwagon.  She shared her maternity clothes with me.  I added to the collection and then lent them back to her or in our case, to another mutual friend who became pregnant next.  The collection grows and I didn’t have to buy an expensive maternity dress for a wedding that took place when I was 8.5 months pregnant.  And let me tell you, getting that huge dress out of my sight by mailing to my friend was more than a cost-saver, it was a sanity saver.

How do you keep your spending under control during pregnancy?  Do you and your partner agree on financial limits?  Who is the cheaper one?

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1. Do’s and Don’ts on Buying Baby Clothes for Your Newborn
2. Husbands Beware: Your Pregnant Wife Might Be a Babyfest Addict
3. Pregnant after 40? Not so easy.

My husband was the opposite extreme: He was superstitious and thought that buying anything before the baby was born would be a terrible jinx. So we compromised and I only bought the absolute necessities the baby would need as soon as we arrived home from the hospital.

As it turned out, our compromise saved us a lot of money. There are many items that you won’t need at all and others that you will get as gifts, so let me share the secrets I learned as a first-time mom.

1. Don’t buy mittens. They will not stay on a newborn.
2. Do buy baby socks and use them on the hands as mittens.
3. Don’t buy too many newborn or 3-month size items. Each size only lasts a few weeks because everything shrinks in the wash.
4. Don’t buy six-month size until your baby arrives. You will get a lot of gifts in that size.
5. Don’t buy shoes. A newborn does not need them.
6. Don’t buy typical burp cloths because are too small and expensive.
7. Do buy a bag of cloth diapers and use them as burp cloths.
8. Do buy cheap washcloths. You are going to throw many of them out after what they will have to wipe up!
9. Don’t buy any bibs because most baby outfits that you will get as gifts are going to come with bibs.
10. Don’t overstock on nursing accessories like breast shields, cooling pads or freezer bags for breast milk storage. You won’t know how breast feeding is going to work out for you and your baby until you try it.
11. Don’t buy special towels for your child. They are harder to use than regular towels because that cute “head cover” corner is very hard to position on your shoulder. Plus, you are going to get these as gifts.
12. Do limit the number of swaddling blankets you buy because not all babies like to be swaddled.

Over at Pregnancytoday.com, Jacqueline Bodnar sought advice from Sandra Gordon, author of Consumer Reports Best Baby Products (Consumer Reports, 2009) about what new parents should buy before the baby arrives. I thought her list was right on target and economical.

1. Four sleep sacks or one-piece sleepers with attached feet.
2. Six side-snap T-shirts.
3. Four to six one-piece undershirts that snap around the crotch. A small baby cap (although the hospital will probably give you one).
4. Six pairs of socks/booties.
5. Two to three soft, comfortable daytime outfits. (Get only a few items in newborn size. Then go for clothing in the 6-month size. Your baby will grow into it quickly. But don’t buy baby sleepwear that’s too big; it’s a safety hazard.
6. Cotton sweater or light jacket.
7. Summer babies should have a brimmed hat.

For winter babies, also include these items:

1. Snowsuit with attached mittens or fold-over cuffs, or heavy bunting.
2. Heavy stroller blanket.
3. Warm knit hat.

The main idea is to take it easy on the shopping. Baby clothes shopping is a convenient way to feel more connected to your child before he or she is born, but it’s really not cost effective at all. Remember that the stores are still open after your baby arrives. You can always send your partner, a friend or other family member to the store to buy whatever you overlooked.

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1. Pregnant? How to Save Money on Maternity Clothes
2. Where does your baby sleep?
3. Baby Puke

Are you planning to work after you have your baby? How would you answer those interview questions?

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1. The New Normal: Mom’s at Work, Dad’s at Home
2. Deciding Whether to Go Back to Work? Tough Choices…
3. My Top 10 Blog Posts on Pregnancy and Motherhood (June ’09)

I received dozens of e-mails after my appearance from people who had very strong opinions. From “It would end marriage as we know it” to “I wish I had that option instead of fighting for years to get a divorce,” the idea of a seven year marriage definitely hit people’s buttons. Watch the video for yourself and tell us what you think.

Related posts:

1. Deciding Whether to Go Back to Work? Tough Choices…
2. Pregnant? How to Save Money on Maternity Clothes
3. Do’s and Don’ts on Buying Baby Clothes for Your Newborn

Consider yourself lucky if you are like Lena and have the ability to choose whether or not to go back to work. According to the U.S. census report a little over half of American women with a child under 1 were in the U.S. labor force in 2002. Most women have to work because of financial needs, and they have to return to work rather quickly. There are state by state laws, but at the federal level, which is the national minimum, the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993 (FMLA) mandates up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for childbearing or family care over a 12-month period for eligible employees.

Rachael, age 27 in Washington, D.C., had to go back to work as a research analyst at a lobbying firm after 12 weeks. On most days Rachael enjoys the challenge and relief of being at work, talking to adults about new research reports and public policy issues. But then, on her daughter’s 6-month birthday, she closed the door to the ladies’ room and cried because she wasn’t with her baby.

Whether or not to work is a very personal decision for each mother. Whatever you choose, you will be sacrificing something. The goal is to find the balance that works for you, most of the time. How can you know what’s right for you? Here are some issues to consider and discuss with your spouse before making a decision:

1. Money: What would the extra income mean to your family if you go back to work? How would it affect savings and financial goals? Have you put together a chart of your monthly expenses to see how you spend your money and where you can save if necessary? How much would child care cost? Can extended family help out with babysitting? If you don’t go back to work, can you manage financially? Should you move?
2. Identity: How will you feel saying you are a stay-at-home mom? Are you excited about spending your days with your baby? Do you need to work outside the house to feel fulfilled? Do you need to be a wage-earner to feel comfortable spending money?
3. Sharing Responsibilities: To what extent will your spouse share child-care and household responsibilities if you choose to work outside the home? Will you end up feeling like you have two full-time jobs? Is it possible for you to go back to work while your husband is a stay-at-home dad? How would your husband adjust to staying at home while you are the main breadwinner?
4. Career Flexibility: If you leave the workforce now, can you re-enter when your child is older? If you go back to work immediately, will your employer allow you to leave early for a parent-teacher conference or child emergency? Are you able to do any of your work from home? What other options can you create? Should you ask your boss for a reduced schedule? Can you work part-time at another job? Should you do temp work? Can you take off a year and look for a new job then?

You might find that you and your spouse have different opinions on whether or not you should leave your job. If the difference of opinion comes down to the fact that you’re willing to downsize so you can stay at home and he is not, then agree not to make a decision while you explore both options. Go ahead and visit daycare centers in your area to see what it would be like. Take a look at rental listings in a less expensive area. Try to envision the life your family would lead in that neighborhood. If your partner is concerned about being the sole breadwinner, take this very seriously. What would happen if your partner lost his job and you weren’t working? Do you have savings to manage for a year while he looks for a new job? Do you have family who would help out during a period of unemployment?

Most importantly, recognize that having a child changes who you are, so be prepared to uncover new attitudes, goals and dreams for yourself and your family. For me, being able to work from home on my next book, along with on-set media appearances and scheduled office time with family law and mediation clients is a mix that suits me well. A good friend of mine who is an attorney in Los Angeles found that having the space and freedom to go to work helped her be a better parent when she was with her child. It may happen that what seems like the “right” decision before a baby’s birth, may feel wrong afterwards. Whatever you decide, you can change your mind so continue to have conversations about this with your spouse as you move through this exciting and challenging stage of life.

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1. The Magic of Balancing Work and Motherhood
2. The New Normal: Mom’s at Work, Dad’s at Home
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