I’m 13 weeks now and relieved to put the first trimester behind me. Thankfully, my morning sickness dissolved just in time for me to attend the Smart Marriages conference, which I wrote about last week.

So what’s the next big thing in the pregnancy journey? The  “Nuchal Translucency“, also referred to as the “First Trimester Screen” or “Early Risk Assessment”.  It’s a non-invasive ultrasound and blood test designed to “help your healthcare practitioner assess your baby’s risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities as well as major congenital heart problems,” says Babycenter.com.  I’m excited for it because of the hi-resolution ultrasound (and the chance that I could find out the baby’s sex).  Then again, it could give way to more worries.

Disclosure Note: NTD Labs is a provider of first trimester screening.
Both NTD Labs and ViaCord (our blog sponsor) are part of the PerkinElmer family. Although I have to admit, I didn’t know this before I started writing this post.

My friend’s nuchal results indicated that her child’s DS risk was higher than average based on the mother’s age during pregnancy.  What does that mean?  Basically, it means that she might benefit from an amnio.  Yikes, now how does she make that decision?  I don’t know if doctors realize this, but as soon as you tell a mother that her risk is “higher than normal” all she will do is think, eat, dream and talk about DS.  After a week of self-torture my friend decided that she had to get an amnio or she’d spend the next 6 months going insane.  During her week-long decision process, my friend also had to fend off her mother-in-law who insisted that the amnio was dangerous and unnecessary.  She had her husband tell her “their” decision to have an amnio.

Of course, not everyone has the amnio after the nuchal results.  Jaime, who writes the Blond Mom Blog, wrote about why she decided not to have an amnio after receiving disappointing nuchal results.  For some, the nuchal is controversial because it can only indicate risks, it can’t give us yes/no results.  An increased risk leads to more tough choices, amnio, cvs, and of course, the ultimate choice that most of us don’t even want to think about – what if we find out our child has DS or another chromosomal abnormality?  No matter how prepared I like to be, that’s a conversation my husband and I will gladly avoid unless necessary.

How about you?  Were you excited or nervous for the Nuchal?  Did you have an amnio?  How did you and your partner decide on this?

Related posts:

1. Six New Year’s Resolutions for Becoming a Better Person
2. Five Pregnancy Myths You Need to Know
3. To Babymoon or Not?

We have AC working on the first floor, but it broke down today on the second floor where the bedrooms are. If it was only my husband and me at home, we’d live, but with Blake, my sweet little 2-year old?  Poor thing!  His crib is upstairs and we’ve debated all options.  It’s too late to go to my parents’ house, his crib is too heavy to carry downstairs, so we put on our little fan and my husband is out running to Walmart to buy an industrial strength fan.  We have an emergency AC guy coming sometime before midnight, but who knows if he can fix it?  And in terms of stressful marital moments, lack of AC certainly creates one.

I guess I am back to my original topic.  There is so much going on in life and so much of my energy is taken up by Blake that I just don’t have the time to devote to the wonder and excitement of my pregnancy.  (Just checked the baby monitor, thank goodness Blake fell asleep!).

A while ago I wrote a post about the affect of birth order on personality. The first-born is the approval-seeker, having been lavished with attention and praise throughout childhood.  The second-born tends to be a risk-taker, possibly trying to steal attention.  I can already see this happening during pregnancy.  My husband and I talk about this second pregnancy about one-third as much as we talked about the first one.

I guess that’s just how things go.  Now if only the AC guy would show up!!!

Related posts:

1. Do You Love or Hate Being Pregnant?
2. Goodbye First Trimester, Hello Nuchal
3. Announcing MY Pregnancy!

“Oh, and my car also makes me nauseous, so do the streets and my backyard.”  There really was no other way to answer the question.  I think I love it here, but I need to wait another few weeks before I can know for sure.

First trimester is icky.  Thankfully, I haven’t thrown up (yet), but the head spinning in pretty frequent.  If I think too deeply about something like my house or where to go out to dinner on Friday, I might gag.  My morning sickness wasn’t this bad during my first pregnancy (and I’m hoping that a different experience of pregnancy might mean that I’m having a girl.  I know, it’s delusional, but let me hope.)  One more complaint to add before I change the topic – I’m also extremely tired.  “How tired?” asked my father.  “Well, on some days, it’s as if I woke up in the morning and took NyQuil and then tried to go about my day.”

My new neighbor told me that during her first and second trimester of pregnancy, she was puking many times a day.  The hardest part was that she’s also a stay-at-home mom to her toddler.  Her two-year-old would sit with her while she laid on the bathroom floor.  That must have been unimaginably hard.  As a working mom, I have help during most days, meaning that if I slack off on the job because of morning sickness, my son doesn’t bear the brunt of it and I don’t bear the guilt of that.  I think that being a good stay-at-home mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world.

My neighbor had hoped her morning sickness would end at 13 weeks, but it went on and on for another 13 weeks.  I didn’t realize that could happen.

How long did your morning sickness last?  What’s the hardest part?

Related posts:

1. Am I Normal?
2. Is Going to the Doctor a Solo Sport?
3. Sex Talk: Post-Pregnancy

I wonder if people love and hate pregnant for the same reasons.  For instance, a foreign being has taken over your body. This can feel special and exciting, or weird, painful and alien-like.  Or perhaps some people love the extra attention they get from husbands, co-workers and friends while being pregnant.  Then again, a friend of mine who is very private is thrilled that she is pregnant, but she’s very put-off by the questions and attention from others.  On the other hand, perhaps those who tried harder and longer to get pregnant are more apt to appreciate and love the experience of pregnancy.

My friend Robin, founder of Crib Notes, an on-line playgroup and newsletter for parents with kids under 2, is one of those lucky pregnant ladies who had very little sickness during pregnancy.  She says that she loved being pregnant because of “the excitement of knowing my baby was growing inside of me and wondering what he was going to look like, be like and how my life was going to change. And of course the shallow chick side of me loved that I had a license to get bigger and have a milkshake when I felt like it. I’ve never felt as confident in a bathing suit as I did when pregnant!”

Another friend, whose name is withheld for fear of implicating family members, told me she’s been put on the spot with the do you love/hate being pregnant question.

I’ve had several people including my mom and my MIL tell me they loved being pregnant. And I questioned if it was actually true – there is a lot going on that isn’t so pleasant and genuinely difficult “to love”.

I’ve also had friends tell me they absolutely hated being pregnant which was typically tied to illness, pain, or general discomfort. I wondered when the physical and/or emotional suffering is so severe, if it completely overshadows how amazing the experience really is – which made me sad.

My position… I don’t love or hate being pregnant. But I love that I am pregnant.

What’s your position on pregnancy?  Hate it? Love it?

Related posts:

1. How to stay in love, even when you have young children!
2. 10 Pregnancy and Parenting Blogs I Love! (March ‘10)
3. Pregnant after 40? Not so easy.

A recent New York Times article, “Labels Urged for Food That Can Choke”  by Laurie Tarkin, featured the harrowing story of a 23-month old girl who died from choking on popcorn.  Her father tried to save her but he was too late.

This is an example the American Academy of Pediatrics points to as a reason why they want food to be subject to the same scrutiny as children’s toys.

They say that parents don’t know which foods are dangerous and that the Food and Drug Administration should require warning labels on foods that are known choking hazards.  While the New York Times didn’t list which foods are hazardous for kids, I found a list on SHEKNOWS.com:

The AAP recommends that you avoid giving the following foods to young children:

• Grapes and raisins
• Nuts
• Hot dogs
• Chunks of meat or cheese
• Hard, gooey or sticky candy and chewing gum
• Gobs of peanut butter, especially chunky peanut butter
• Popcorn
• Raw vegetables

If I can’t feed my son hot dogs (or chicken dogs in same shape), grapes or raisins, this is going to seriously cut down on his food intake!  But there is a solution…

Here are the AAP’s recommendations to prevent choking:

• Cut hot dogs lengthwise and cut grapes into quarters – this changes the dangerous round shape that can block a child’s throat.
• Avoid giving toddlers high risk foods like hard candy, nuts, seeds and raw carrots.
• Never let children run, play or lie down while eating.

Finally, an important suggestion is for all of us learn the Heimlich maneuver.  I recall learning it while I was pregnant in a newborn safety video, but that memory is gone, just like most things pre-baby.

Today I pledge  to re-learn the Heimlich.  Will you make that pledge with me?  Here’s your first set of Heimlich maneuver directions from WebMD.

Related posts:

1. When Should a Child Separate?
2. Does Pregnancy Ruin Your Body?
3. Could The Cosby Show Help Us Now?

While Huffington Post and other news outlets reported her as saying that she won’t “ruin her body” with pregnancy, writer and natural health consultant Juniper Russo Tarascio took personal offense to Jillian’s comment:

In a recent interview, “Biggest Loser” star and personal trainer Jillian Michaels insulted every mother in the world– including many of her biggest fans. Michaels claimed that she wanted to adopt children rather than give birth naturally, because she could never tolerate the damage that pregnancy would cause her body….[But] if you take good care of your body, pregnancy is no big deal….  As a fitness expert herself, Jillian Michaels should be well aware of this reality.

A commenter named Gelfing on Huffington Post found truth in Jillian’s admission:

Pregnancy with twins 11 years ago didn’t “ruin” my body; but, it’s true, my abs will never be the same. I was ripped, with a tiny waist before. No amount of exercise will bring them back, and I am obsessive about going to the gym. Pregnancy does change your body.

However, I look at my sons every day and feel a type of joy and love that I had never experienced before becoming a mom. My feeling is, you just don’t get that kind of feeling of love and sense of purpose looking at your perfect body in the mirror every day.  But it’s her body and her life.

My opinion is that Jillian’s comment should be put in context.  First, we live in a culture that idealizes thinness.  She admits to being overweight as a child and it’s possible that weight is a defining part of her identity.  I can understand how someone who already has body image issues and anxieties would become increasingly stressed and depressed by pregnancy weight gain.  I feel pretty good about my body, but even so, I remember when I stepped on the scale and saw a weight that was nearly 25 pounds more than I had ever seen before.  My eyes bulged out!

At this point my body is back to what it used to be, but even if it wasn’t, my body is not how I make my living.  For Jillian, it is.  And this brings me to my second point.  Jillian is an individual and she should make the choice that’s best for her.  Pregnancy would force her to alter her intense workouts.  If she can’t handle changing her fitness routine, then she should not get pregnant.  At least she knows her limits and admits them.  For that, I give her credit.

What do you think about Jillian’s comment?  How did pregnancy change your body?

Related posts:

1. Fertility and What You Don’t Know About Your Body
2. Sex Talk: Post-Pregnancy
3. Five Pregnancy Myths You Need to Know

Apparently, I need to take a vacation from my brain.  For the first day of my trip, it just wouldn’t stop the movie reel: what if our plane crashes?  What if Blake desperately cries for me for hours?  What if they put him in the warmer pajamas but the heat is turned too high and Blake overheats in the middle of the night?  What if they forget to read him “Goodnight Moon” at bedtime?

What if I shouldn’t have left my baby?  

I met another mother at the hotel bar who was also on her first “couple” vacation with her husband since having their ten-month old.  We bonded.  She told me that she’s surprised no one called the police when she handed her daughter over to her mother-in-law the day before their vacation.  The transfer happened at a McDonalds at a highway rest stop mid-way between the two ladies who lived hours apart.  When my new friend passed the baby to her mother-in-law at the fast food joint, she was bawling, as if she would never see her daughter again.

By day 2 of our trip, we had confirmation that Blake hadn’t cried for his mommy or daddy once, that he ate his entire meals (which he never does with us!) and that he was energetic, happy and a pleasure to be around.  Now we could really start relaxing.  And so the vacation from my brain began.

We ate, we drank, we talked, we slept, we… you know, and we laughed.  We laughed at our son’s funny words and habits (like “pooter” for computer and how he copies us and sometimes calls himself “Blakey Blake”).  We laughed at ourselves and how we go away so that we can spend half the time talking about Blake.  We realized that just like everything else changed when we had Blake, so had vacations.  The fact that the hotel provided free phone calls to the United States was better than drinking margaritas and eating chocolate cake.  A direct flight home, priceless.

I didn’t know if would be possible to ever have a relaxing, beautiful beach vacation again with my husband. It is.  We are not just parents, we are a couple.

Are you a new parent or expecting parent planning a vacation?  Have you recently gone on a vacation without your child?  Were you more or less anxious than you expected?  Do you think vacations are more fun with your kids or without them?

Other Posts You Might Like:

To Babymoon or Not?

Am I a Good Enough Mother?

Over-sharing: What if Your Partner Shares Too Much?

Related posts:

1. If Mothering Were a Sport, I’d be a Rookie
2. Six New Year’s Resolutions for Becoming a Better Person
3. I’m a Wanna-be Selfish Mom

Not only does this sport require tremendous energy and money, it also requires parents to be constant activity planners.  That’s where moms Heather Flett and Whitney Moss come in.  They make parents’ lives a little bit easier with their creative blog www.RookieMoms.com (I guest blogged for them last week about 5 activities to stay in love, even when you have young children!) and book. Meanwhile, their book  The Rookie Mom’s Handbook: 250 Activities to Do with (and Without) Your Baby expands upon the blog by sharing helpful, funny and totally necessary advice for new moms, making it a great baby shower gift.

One of their blog posts, 25 Activities to Try During Your Maternity Leave, was oh so fitting for me because I found it incredibly hard to get out of the house for the first couple months of my son’s life.  I guess I’m not the only one who felt this way.  Here’s one of the activities recommended during maternity leave that I want to pass on to you.

“Activity #1: Observe Fearless Fridays.
This means you should do something you’re afraid of, like changing your baby’s diaper in a park or in the trunk of your car, nursing in public, mixing a bottle while on an errand or simply committing to a social engagement.  Such simple things, unless you’re a new mother or father!”

Here are a few other activities from their clever little book that I loved.

“#16 Go on a reconnaissance mission
When the baby is in a good mood (or better, sleeping peacefully in the stroller), scope out your local shopping destinations for “safe places” at where you can feed and change her. That way you can get out of the house every day and know that you don’t have to race against the clock to get back home.

#28 Drink beer
If you’re nursing, beer is widely rumored to help with milk production.  If you aren’t nursing, beer might still help you deal with the crying (yours and baby’s). Also, it’s worth mentioning that we’re talking about one beer a day, not a whole case…

#248 Launch the first annual Camp Grandma
Here’s how it works: Plan an overnight trip with your partner, even if you just make reservations at a nearby hotel.  Ask your baby’s grandparents to come stay at your place while you’re away, saving you the trouble of packing up all of baby’s things.  Train grandma and grandpa to use the car seat, stroller, and the coffee maker and then LET GO.”

What activities would you recommend for rookie moms?  Did you ever feel like you just couldn’t get out of the house?  Are you pregnant and wondering what you will do during maternity leave?

Other Posts You Might Like:

My Baby Blues

Sex Talk: Post-Pregnancy

Why I’m a Mommy Club Outcast

Related posts:

1. Is Going to the Doctor a Solo Sport?
2. To Babymoon or Not?
3. Six New Year’s Resolutions for Becoming a Better Person

What a wonderful husband, she thought. And then he started on her love of tuna fish sandwiches. “If the doctor says you shouldn’t eat tuna more than twice a week, there must be something wrong with it. I don’t want you to eat ANY tuna while pregnant.” They argued, he won. What if something happened to the baby? She couldn’t live with the guilt of the tuna.

Then he was drinking beer. She wanted a sip, just a sip. “Are you crazy????” No sip. She began to lie about her lunches to hide the fact that she ate bologna (a prepared lunch meat – also on his do-not-eat list). This pregnancy had turned her husband into a paranoid barrel of overprotective obnoxiousness.    

Nowadays we like to say “we are pregnant,” as if the father-to-be has a 50% role in the pregnancy (in my opinion he had a 50% role in the impregnation and will hopefully have a 50% role in parenthood, but maybe only a 5 or 10% role in pregnancy). He attends the doctor appointments, searches for do’s and don’ts of pregnancy online, reads the baby books and gives the mom-to-be advice and support. Sometimes that advice is going to conflict with the mom-to-be’s opinion. How should this be handled?

Answer: Get the Facts: If you and your partner start discussing the effects of mercury on a fetus, don’t try to remember what you read, instead go and read it together. Do the math, figure out the amount in a can of tuna. Does the research on mercury apply to that amount of tuna or to a five times that amount?

Then Get Approval: Tentatively agree to a reasonable limit and then ask your doctor to approve this agreement at the next appointment. Do this for each and every point of disagreement.

It’s not fun to negotiate your food intake and exercise regimen, but at least it’s temporary and it’s better than the alternative: Telling your partner that he has no say in what you eat is only going to increase the fighting and stress in your household. The goal is to use the fact-finding mission to reach compromises that you can both live with.

Do you or did you have an overprotective husband during pregnancy?  Are you an overprotective husband?  How do you and your partner find a compromise?

Other Posts You Might Like:

Can Fathers Get Postpartum Depression?

Do We Have a Right To Complain During Pregnancy?

Pregnancy Insanity?

Related posts:

1. Pregnancy Insanity?
2. Sex Talk: Post-Pregnancy
3. Announcing MY Pregnancy!

Taken from my journal during the time that I was expecting, here are my six New Year’s resolutions for becoming a better person, a better parent and a better partner:

1) Give Grandparent Goodness.
Pay more attention to the soon-to-be grandparents.  Cherish them for all that they give to us and for all the ways they care about us.  Call them more often.  Recognize that we are going to need them much more than we had ever imagined.

2) Be Happily Married.
Fight less with my spouse.  Once a baby enters the family, there is so much more to bicker about, so put on my mediator’s hat now and learn to fight less and compromise more before a little one is around to listen to our arguments.  (For tips on how to stop bickering with your spouse read my article on Web MD.)

3) Put Away the Piles.
Take care of the little things.  I have these piles of mail, bills and folders by the computer.  If I don’t clean them up now they will probably be there until we move, some time in the next decade.  Don’t put off today what probably won’t be done tomorrow: from researching and buying a new camera to capture the best shots of my baby, to finding the closest children’s pharmacy to my apartment, no matter how little free time I think I have, I will have even less soon enough.

4) Become a Reader.
Reading books is a great way to relax in bed or in the bathtub and it gets my mind off those days and weeks of pregnancy ahead of me.  I will ask my friends for book suggestions.  (My current book recommendation for you: The Help by Kathryn Stockett.  It’s an uplifting debut novel with a twist about raising babies.)

5) Rekindle Old Friendships.
With a baby on the way, I have a nice excuse to reach out to that friend from high school who I haven’t seen in years.  Her Facebook pictures show that she’s a mom.  It’s amazing how friendships can be rekindled through the mom connection.

6) Give Myself a Break.
Realize that accepting less than perfect will make me a better person and a better companion.  Adding the new title of parent to my list of responsibilities this year is going to mean less time for everything else.  Aim for 80% of perfect and I’ll probably reach my goal, and that’s cause for celebration.

Related posts:

1. Is a vacation possible, without my son?
2. If Mothering Were a Sport, I’d be a Rookie
3. I’m a Wanna-be Selfish Mom