ExpectingWords.com » Parenting

Little Blake, as your birthday present, you will no longer be the center of the world

Laurie — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:33:16 +0000

It’s a long title, but that’s the best way to say it. Yesterday we celebrated Blake’s 2nd birthday. It was fabulous. Family friends, in the backyard at our new house, pizza, BBQ, music and fun.

The best part was that Blake was lovingly surrounded by all four grandparents and his great-grandmother. What a lucky little boy!

During the party I was thinking about how next year at this time, Blake will have a sibling. I wonder how this will affect Blake’s personality. He gets so much attention right now, and he has since he was born.

One of our friends here yesterday has a seven-month old boy and she was saying how great it is that she just puts him on the floor with a ball and he’s happy playing by himself for an hour. I overheard this and ran to tell her, “Appreciate this! Do you know that not all babies do this? Blake never entertained himself with a ball for more than a few minutes.” She had no idea. ”You mean every baby doesn’t happily play with balls for hours?” she asked. ”One hundred percent, no. It’s personality that defines how much a child can play by him or herself.”

Soon my theory will be put to the test. Is it nature or nurture? When I’m caring for a newborn, what will Blake do? Learn to entertain himself or become a tantrum- crazy 2.5 year old? Perhaps there will be a few months of adjustment with more attention demands at first, and then acceptance of the new way of life.

Whatever happens, I stubbornly refuse to feel guilty about giving Blake less attention. I think it will be good for him.

So, happy birthday Blake! Next year you will no longer be the center of attention, but we will love you just as much!

Are you expecting another child? Do you worry about how your first will handle it? If you have more than one kid, how did you balance the needs of your kids? Was it harder or easier than you expected?

Happy Father’s Day!

Laurie — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 17:24:08 +0000

Father’s Day is underrated. People plan Mother’s Day for weeks, and sometimes months ahead of time. But Father’s Day? “It’s just not as big a deal as Mother’s Day,” says my husband. So am I supposed to believe that, or should I make a big deal out of it anyway?

My husband deals with many of the same childcare frustrations that I have to deal with: early mornings, night wakings, difficult meal times, tantrums (hmm, am I making parenthood sound difficult?). I do handle the majority of those hard experiences, but, still, he’s been pushed to edge of patience more times than either of us would care to admit.

Fatherhood isn’t the easiest. So I’d like to give a shout out to my husband for being a wonderful dad to our son Blake. You take the ups and downs while you play with him and share joyful activities together every day. From taking him to the diner for weekend breakfast, to making up silly games and playing hide and seek, you make him smile, giggle and beg for more games.

If you liked flowers I would have bought them for you today. But I think that what you really want is all that a mom really wants on Mother’s Day, a chance to enjoy the fun of the child without the dirty work. So I’m taking your Father’s Day request to heart. You asked, ”As my present can you change his doody diapers today?” Yes, honey, I can. And I’ll even do it for the whole week!

I love you!

When Should a Child Separate?

Laurie — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 17:25:57 +0000

I’m not talking about basic separation like leaving your child in the living room while you go to the bathroom (which is not always easy!). I mean school or camp separation when you drop off your 2 or 3 year old and pick him up hours later.

Separation is a parent’s choice. But how do you know when your child is ready? I took my son to his first day of camp last week. It’s a two hour program three days a week for two-year olds. The other five kids in the group already separated, so Blake was only one who needed his mommy there part of the time. I told him that he was doing a great job and that he could take as much time as needs to feel comfortable in the class. I don’t want to push him if he isn’t ready yet.

While in the room with him I tried to be as boring as possible so he’d have to join the other kids and teachers to have any fun. I’m hoping that after a couple weeks he will be fine in class without me, but if he’s not, then I’ll probably just take him out of the program and wait until September to try separation again. Is that giving up too soon?

I’ve heard different opinions about the appropriate age of separation. I was surprised that my son was the only one who hadn’t separated yet in his group. Then again, what about kids in day care? Some of them separate at three months.

Is there a right or wrong age to separate? What worked for you? How did you decide?

Cheap Baby Toys

Laurie — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:23:54 +0000

I wanted to get my son a toy piano. “But we have a real keyboard, Laurie,” exclaimed my husband, “He doesn’t need any more toys and we don’t need any more stuff in the house.” He was right, but I had to be reminded.

Buying a new toy is an easy way to keep Blake occupied for 10 minutes, but it’s a costly form of entertainment. My husband and I began talking about all of the things Blake likes to play with that are basic household objects. These so-called toys are free and available to any parent. For instance, we went to my parent’s house and my mother brought out a colander and toothpicks. To our surprise, Blake was enthralled by sticking the toothpicks in the holes and then locating them on the ground. He did this again, and again (under supervision of course).

Another cheap-o baby toy? An empty plastic milk carton. I cleaned one out and gave it to Blake who fills it up outside with a hose, using a nozzle. Then he walks to a bush or plant and waters it. His smile while doing this is worth a thousand dollars! This is a great sunny day activity.

My son also likes painting, but I’m not a fan of real paint. So, we fill a bowl with a quarter inch of water, give him a small paintbrush and an old newspaper. He “paints” the newspaper and feels proud of himself for this. He’s also obsessed with the hand wipes containers. We give him the empty containers and he puts stuff in it. Another idea I discovered on the TV show “Fireman Sam” is to make a paper airplane together and then fly it around the house.

Hide and seek is another game we play, every single day. We put a blanket over a chair and that becomes his special hiding place. Add in a flashlight and he has a ball. Another hiding place could be a cardboard box. Our favorites are from diapers.com. We cut out a peep hole and stick things through it.

Here’s a great blog post about 17 Ways to Turn Your Trash into Toddler Toys. I love the idea about putting rubber bands on an empty shoebox to create a guitar. Another way to use an empty shoebox is to create a sensory box. Put some dry rice in there for your child to play with and hide some raisins, or other small things in there so he can find them (or eat them).

Creating children’s toys at home is not just exciting for the kids, it’s rewarding for the parents because it forces discover our own crafty talents.

What ideas do you have for turning household objects into baby toys? Please share!

How Dangerous is Food?

Laurie — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 16:06:12 +0000

A recent New York Times article, “Labels Urged for Food That Can Choke” by Laurie Tarkin, featured the harrowing story of a 23-month old girl who died from choking on popcorn. Her father tried to save her but he was too late.

This is an example the American Academy of Pediatrics points to as a reason why they want food to be subject to the same scrutiny as children’s toys.

They say that parents don’t know which foods are dangerous and that the Food and Drug Administration should require warning labels on foods that are known choking hazards. While the New York Times didn’t list which foods are hazardous for kids, I found a list on SHEKNOWS.com:

The AAP recommends that you avoid giving the following foods to young children:

Grapes and raisins
Nuts
Hot dogs
Chunks of meat or cheese
Hard, gooey or sticky candy and chewing gum
Gobs of peanut butter, especially chunky peanut butter
Popcorn
Raw vegetables

If I can’t feed my son hot dogs (or chicken dogs in same shape), grapes or raisins, this is going to seriously cut down on his food intake! But there is a solution…

Here are the AAP’s recommendations to prevent choking:

Cut hot dogs lengthwise and cut grapes into quarters – this changes the dangerous round shape that can block a child’s throat.
Avoid giving toddlers high risk foods like hard candy, nuts, seeds and raw carrots.
Never let children run, play or lie down while eating.

Finally, an important suggestion is for all of us learn the Heimlich maneuver. I recall learning it while I was pregnant in a newborn safety video, but that memory is gone, just like most things pre-baby.

Today I pledge to re-learn the Heimlich. Will you make that pledge with me? Here’s your first set of Heimlich maneuver directions from WebMD.

Should Kids Have a “Restaurant Voice”?

Laurie — Mon, 17 May 2010 19:53:35 +0000

I’m all for date night. And I’m also for taking the babies and kids out to (some) restaurants with parents, but what happens when family night out interrupts other people’s couple time? I wrote about a child who interrupted my date night in Are Children “Little People”?

CNN recently posted an article on toddlers in high-end restaurants. Not surprisingly, it received thousands of comments from angry diners and compassionate parents. In Tots at upper-echelon restaurants, Sarah LeTrent wrote that certain fine dining establishments are creating kids’ menus to specifically make them feel welcome. The menu at Landmarc includes “kids” items such as petite filet mignon and orecchiette. Though, I must say, I’ve been to Landmarc, and it’s a loud, dark place that I think is suited to children, at least at the 6pm hour. It’s the quiet fine dining restaurants like Cafe Boulud in which the under-3 crowd creates a raucous.

Reading about the trend toward rolling out the red carpet for kids at high-end restaurants made me wonder, are restaurateurs helping parents spoil their toddlers? One upset commenter to the CNN article wrote “Hire a babysitter!” Another asked, “If you were in church would you allow your child to run around the chapel screaming?”

I understand the anger. After all, do toddlers really need to be out to dinner on Friday or Saturday nights? Are we as parents involving them in everything we do because we want to “expose” them to things, or is it secretly because we feel guilty for not giving them enough attention during the week? Then again, if we want to spend more time with them on weekends, why a high-end restaurant? Why not go to a local burger joint, cafe or casual Italian restaurant?

I hate to say it, but I think some of us modern parents want to get the best of both worlds. We want to live our lives to the fullest, enjoy great meals and spend time with our kids. Since we’re overworked and tired, we try to combine activities and hope it works out. I know. I’ve been there. Even when I plan a nice family dinner out at a casual restaurant, sometimes I find that my expectations were set too high. I have to rush the waiter, ask everyone at the table (usually just my parents or in-laws) not to order appetizers because it takes too much time, and then I request the check when the main course arrives. Not the most pleasurable way to enjoy a meal!

Perhaps other kids are calmer and easier to manage in restaurants, but all I know is my own situation. My husband and I would never want to take our toddler to a “nice” restaurant a) because we don’t want to bother others with the occasional crying and screaming, and b) because we can’t enjoy the food or even taste the food when we’re acting like clowns entertaining our son.

What do you think about young children in high-end restaurants? Children are a part of our society. Do they have the right to be there? What’s your experience in taking your children out? Have you ever changed your table at a restaurant to get away from kids?

Baby Puke

Laurie — Mon, 03 May 2010 20:56:08 +0000

It’s something all parents try to avoid. ”Take that out of your mouth!” we demand of our toddler. Or, if we’re dealing with an infant, we lunge to grab the item away. It’s not a good habit to eat tablecloths and shoes, but the reason why we really care is that we just don’t want our kids to ingest germs and get sick.

My son had a 24-hour bug last week. It wasn’t nearly as bad as prior stomach bugs he’s had, so we were actually quite happy. If you’re a parent, you know what I mean: “He only threw up twice? You’re lucky!” My husband and I took turns cleaning puke and when our son slept through the night despite the illness, we were practically gleeful.

I wonder, is there anything more we can do to prevent illness? My friend has an unusual method to keep her little girl healthy – no playdates, at least not until she is six or seven months old. My friend is happy to meet her friends with their kids in the park, but she is not going to anyone’s home.

Yesterday I met a mom in the park who told me she refuses to let her daughter go in the sandbox. ”That’s how kids get hoof and mouth disease, don’t you know?” I didn’t know. Maybe I hadn’t paid attention to this or maybe it’s not true. Perhaps her daughter doesn’t run for the sandbox the moment she sees it. My son loves the sandbox and keeping him from it would mean frequent tantrums in the park, probably causing me to avoid the three playgrounds with sandboxes near our home.

Any advice? How do you try to prevent your child from getting sick? If you’re expecting, do you plan to make playdates (for your child and yourself), or will you wait on that?

Are You the Favorite Parent?

Laurie — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 12:20:18 +0000

In The Huffington Post this week, Dr. Ellen Libby, author of The Favorite Child, asked, are you the “favorite” parent in your household? She explained that it’s normal for parents to want to be favored by their children and offered examples of parents who consciously or unconsciously try to be the “good guy” to win their children’s favoritism.

Well, that’s one way to look at the favoritism issue. Personally, I want nothing more than for our son to like us equally. There was a period of time, about age 9 months to 12 months, that Blake favored me, to an extreme. And the truth is that I didn’t like it. He wanted mommy to hug him, mommy to play with him, mommy to change him, etc. Not only was the mommy phase incredibly exhausting, it was also a major disappointment for my husband who loves our son as much as I do.

We both knew that Blake’s preference for mommy wasn’t a judgment on either of our parenting abilities. For babies and toddlers, extreme mommy phases (and extreme daddy phases, for some) are perfectly healthy and normal. A handful of parents I know had told me that little boys tend to be more attached to their moms initially, while little girls tend to be more connected to their dads. True or not, it comforted us to know that others were in the same boat.

As Blake grew, what we read in books about development and change came true. He began to enjoy being with daddy more and more (especially when they played hide and seek), and daddy learned to turn diaper-changing time and pajama time into fun opportunities for creative games (Blake’s favorite game is finishing the lines to the song Radio Ga Ga). The extreme mommy phase ended, but a few months later, a less extreme version returned. A parental lesson: some phases are good, some are bad, but nearly all are temporary.

Has anyone else encountered extreme mommy or daddy phases? Is there a favorite parent in your house? Does it bother you or do you secretly want your child to prefer you?

“Off!” Commands the Toddler, but Daddy Doesn’t Listen

Laurie — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 22:14:40 +0000

Last night, we hit a turning point in our family. My husband was sitting on a comfortable reading chair in our bedroom. Blake wanted to sit on the chair. Here’s a snippet of the conversation, if you could call it that.

Toddler: “Off!” said Blake, as he pulled on Daddy’s leg.

Daddy: “No, Blake. Daddy is sitting on the chair.”

Toddler: “Daddy, off, off off!”

Daddy: “Daddy is sitting on the chair right now Blake. But, Blake can share the chair with Daddy. Do you want to sit next to me?”

Toddler: “Daaaaady, off!” he yelled as he plopped himself on the ground in desperation.

Daddy: “Blake, that’s mean. Don’t yell at Daddy. Do you want to share the chair Blake? See there is room here.”

Toddler: “Mommy, get Daddy off!!!!” (So now he thinks I’ll help him, clever boy).

Mommy: “Daddy is allowed to sit on the chair. I can’t get him off. You can sit on it later, when Daddy is done.”

And the repetitive conversation continued. My husband could have stopped this annoying back-and-forth by getting off the chair, but he decided it was time that Blake find out that he can’t boss Daddy around. I’m not sure Blake got the lesson, but eventually, he will. Kudos to my husband for sitting firm. I’ll remember his conviction next time I’m the one in the chair. It’s time for us to stop listening to Blake’s every desire.

It’s easy to say that parents have to teach their children values and respect, but in the moment (or the seven minutes) it can be really hard. Sometimes the lesson – that you can’t have everything you want - leads to a tantrum, other times, it can force a family to leave a store or restaurant, or just be embarrassed on the street.

How do you handle those meltdown moments in public? What’s the worst one you experienced? Share your story and let others laugh with you because it probably happened to us too!

Circle Time? Not for Me

Laurie — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 22:27:30 +0000

I take my son to a gym class once a week. He’s 21 months old and curious about everything, especially things he can climb.

Last week, he just wouldn’t sit still during the 10-minute circle time in which all the kids sit in a circle, say their names, do exercises and sing songs with the teacher. In fact, he usually gets bored and tries to run away during the “say your name” part of the experience, but “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes” often brings him back. Not this time.

I tried to persuade him to return to the circle and when that didn’t work I gave a half hearted attempt to carry him back to the dark red line defining the circle. To no avail. He was un-pick-up-able. So I let him be.

The assistant teacher did not like this. She walked over to him, picked him up and brought him back to me in the circle. Again, he ran away. I followed him to the slide and there I encountered the other parent whose child was in no mood for circle time. That parent seemed upset and frustrated with his child for not behaving “properly.” And the child seemed to have adopt the parent’s stressed out attitude.

I told him that I thought it was okay if his child wanted to do his own thing. Some days are for circle time, others are not. His response, “But I pay so much money for this class. I want him to participate in it.” My answer, “He IS participating in it. He’s with other kids. He’s trying new things. He’s climbing and running and happy. Isn’t that what this class is for?”

I’m not sure I convinced this Dad to accept his son’s behavior, but since then, I’ve become even more certain that circle time is not the be-all and end-all of class. So what if my kid doesn’t meet circle time expectations? So what if I look like a lazy parent for letting him roam free? So what if he doesn’t seem as “good” as the other kids who gleefully stretch their arms upon request and perch their toes on the edge of the circle when asked?

My son meets my expectations, and that’s what counts. He is thrilled to climb a ladder, joyful to jump in the ball pit and ecstatic to bounce on the trampoline. He is friendly, talkative and sweet. Most importantly, he is barely two years old and I don’t think it’s a problem if he doesn’t want to sit still for 5 or 10 minutes. If he were six, this could be a problem. But at 2?

From now on I will encourage him to participate in the sit still part of the class, but if he really doesn’t want to, well then, he should feel free and confident to do his own thing.

What do you think? Should a baby or toddler “have” to participate in circle time? If you’re a parent, have you ever felt pressure from the teacher to reign your child in?