ExpectingWords.com - Helping expecting couples find the right words at the right times

I’ve noticed in my mediation practice that it’s quite common for a spouse to tell me that the relationship was fine until they had kids, and then….”my husband’s flaws blew up in my face!”    I usually tell people that those flaws existed before you had children, but you didn’t notice them because forgetting to buy a tape measure doesn’t compare to the impending disaster of forgetting to buy diapers, and being tired and uninterested in cooking dinner is much less harmful than being too tired to bother giving your kid a bath or being too lazy to buy babyproof covers for the outlets.  The flaws always existed, but the consequences are much worse when children are affected.

Where does this insight lead us?  Since I’m in the same boat as everyone else when it comes to having discovered these new, but old flaws in my mate and myself, I’ll tell you how I handle the dilemma.  First,  I am (more…)

Mother’s Day 2010 has come and gone, but as usual, on that day many people sent around quotes via email to memorialize the day.

Here’s a quote that someone forwarded to me:

“A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie”. ~Tenneva Jordan

Those words seemed sweet and endearing, at first.  But then I decided that this quote was dead wrong.

In the past, a good mother and wife may have been defined as a woman who sacrifices for others, putting her families’ needs before her own.  But nowadays, (more…)

A recent article entitled “Honey, Do You Have To…?” in the Wall Street Journal by Elizabeth Bernstein explains that a marriage can break up over a pat of butter.  She writes:

When Jim Caudill’s first wife sat him down and explained that she wanted a divorce, she had a long list of complaints: He didn’t help enough with the kids. He didn’t do his share of the housework. They were more devoted to work than to each other.

Then she brought up the English muffins. “She said, ‘You never butter them to the edges, you just pat it in the middle,’” says Mr. Caudill, a 59-year-old winery marketing representative in Santa Rosa, Calif.

Mr. Caudill was stunned. But gradually, the message sunk in. “The weight of a small thing can be onerous,” he says. “It’s a symptom of a larger need.”

Don’t sweat the small stuff? Don’t kid yourself.

After reading that excerpt I thought, if you don’t like the way your mate butters the muffin, butter it yourself!  (more…)

In the last year, while writing this blog, I’ve also been penning the manuscript for my next relationship advice book, “Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In,” which will be published by Rodale on October 12, 2010.  Not surprisingly, while writing the manuscript, I had my own relationship ups and downs and I share some of  them in the book.  One of our funny-in-retrospect-only stories is about take-out and I thought I’d share it with you today.

To be fair, my marriage was in pretty good shape when we had the “take-out” incident.  My husband and I are a great team, but at times (like all couples) we are no match for the demands of our toddler son.  Stress from a little one can wear down anyone’s patience and test any marriage’s mettle.

Several months ago, I had a tiring day of work, and my husband had his usual high-pressure day as an equities trader.  The evening arrived and we fell into our typical routine.   Our son was on the verge of walking and he was trying to climb everything in sight.  One of us, therefore, needed to pay very close attention to him at all times to make sure he was safe.  As usual, it was me who ended up being on surveillance duty.  My husband was nearby, but somehow I was the one “in charge.”  (more…)

Sound interesting?  I received a wonderful invitation to guest post at the TheLaughingStork.com, a blog by the amazingly funny Candy Kirby.  My post is live TODAY!

Please, click to this link to read about how take-out saved my marriage and take a moment to check-out the other goodies on this clever patchwork of stories about pregnancy and parenthood.  Thank you Candy!