ExpectingWords.com - Helping expecting couples find the right words at the right times

This is a topic I’ve written about for years.  A chapter in my first book Instant Persuasion is called “Ask and You’ll Receive.”  In it, I share stories of disappointed expectations, such as:

“I wanted a special Valentine’s gift and I assumed he knew that.  But he only got me a store-bought card and I was hurt.”   Um, honey, if you didn’t tell him that you wanted a wrapped gift, he wasn’t going to read your mind.  You set yourself up to be disappointed.

Communication Blunder: It’s a blunder to expect someone to offer you something that you want.

With all my insights and tips for others, I try to apply them to myself too.  Turns out I have a big mouth in the public world, but when it comes to home life, sometimes I have to push myself to speak up.  Anyone else like that? (more…)

I’ve noticed in my mediation practice that it’s quite common for a spouse to tell me that the relationship was fine until they had kids, and then….”my husband’s flaws blew up in my face!”    I usually tell people that those flaws existed before you had children, but you didn’t notice them because forgetting to buy a tape measure doesn’t compare to the impending disaster of forgetting to buy diapers, and being tired and uninterested in cooking dinner is much less harmful than being too tired to bother giving your kid a bath or being too lazy to buy babyproof covers for the outlets.  The flaws always existed, but the consequences are much worse when children are affected.

Where does this insight lead us?  Since I’m in the same boat as everyone else when it comes to having discovered these new, but old flaws in my mate and myself, I’ll tell you how I handle the dilemma.  First,  I am (more…)

Yesterday, I returned from an amazing three day Smart Marriages conference in Orlando.  (Check out their perspective on the Number 1 Predictor of Divorce and their Relationship IQ Quiz).  While I was there to speak on a panel, I also had the unique opportunity to listen to the leading researchers in the field of relationship education.  I was stunned by the strength of the empirical data showing the harm of divorce and the benefit of lasting marriages.

The California Healthy Marriages Coalition collected some of the new research and organized it into pamphlets (with sourced footnotes) here.  Some of the highlights are:

1. Girls with divorced parents are at particularly high risk for developing depressive symptoms during adolescence.
2. Almost 50% of households with children undergoing divorce move into poverty following the divorce.
3. In surveying 3,828 adolescents ages 14-16, (more…)

When I started a Facebook fan page for my upcoming book, Fight Less, Love More (Rodale, Oct. 2010), I wasn’t sure whether I’d use it to announce book events or share advice.  Turns out a third and better purpose evolved on its own.  The fans themselves turned it into a forum to share their experiences with relationships.  I’ve been stunned by their honesty, and some of the recent fan discussions about the ups and downs of marriage struck me as a topic that expecting couples and new parents could relate to.

I posted this status update as a question:

“Couples often have phases in their relationships, good years, and then not-so perfect years and back to more good years.  If your relationship is going through a rough spell, don’t give up!  Has anyone experienced the phases and survived?”

In response, Heather commented, “4 years ago we did…we actually separated for 3 months. We were in our worst financial state. very stressful. We just realized we loved each other regardless and we pulled through! We learned to better communicate our feelings from that experience! It has been uphill and going strong since!”   (more…)

There are lots of creative ways to announce one’s pregnancy.  I’m not that creative.  I’m pregnant!

I’m 8 weeks along in the journey and my husband and I are thrilled that a new little baby will hopefully join our family next year.  I write “hopefully” because the future is never certain.  We can only be joyful today as we share our excitement with others.  If you’re wondering whether it feels as thrilling to become pregnant the second time around, it does.  In fact, it’s almost more thrilling because I know what to expect.

Here are the top 10 ways that pregnancy the second time around is fabulous! 

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