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This is a topic I’ve written about for years.  A chapter in my first book Instant Persuasion is called “Ask and You’ll Receive.”  In it, I share stories of disappointed expectations, such as:

“I wanted a special Valentine’s gift and I assumed he knew that.  But he only got me a store-bought card and I was hurt.”   Um, honey, if you didn’t tell him that you wanted a wrapped gift, he wasn’t going to read your mind.  You set yourself up to be disappointed.

Communication Blunder: It’s a blunder to expect someone to offer you something that you want.

With all my insights and tips for others, I try to apply them to myself too.  Turns out I have a big mouth in the public world, but when it comes to home life, sometimes I have to push myself to speak up.  Anyone else like that?

Here’s the background on my most recent “asking for what I want” conversation.  After I had my first child, I got the baby blues.  My stress and anxiety began and blew up in the hospital the night after my son was born.  My son cried most of the night, I didn’t know how to breastfeed or burp, and I had about four nurses visit me through the night to help. I finally gave up and sent my baby to cry in the nursery.  At 3 in the morning, I felt alone, really alone.

Now that I’m pregnant again (due in late January) I think about that first night and I know that I don’t want to repeat  it.  So I decided to ask for what I want, which is, for my husband to spend the night with me in the hospital.

For some, that might seem like a small request, but we had never discussed that option and since my husband can’t take off much time from work I didn’t want him to be more exhausted than necessary.  I was also much more gung-ho the first time around, believing that I could handle anything on my own.  But this time, I am not so confident.  I need help and admit it.  I want him to sleep over even if I’m in a double room (but hopefully I’ll have a private one now that we are at a roomy suburban hospital rather than a city one).  We are also lucky enough to have parents who can stay in our house with our other child.

So, the other night, as we lay in bed before going to sleep, I asked him, “This time, when I give birth, I’d really like you to sleep over in the hospital at least the first night.  Would you do that?”  He took a deep breath and said, “Really?  You want me there.  I guess I can do that.”  I added a little more about why I wanted him there to comfort me, and he then he more positively said, “I’ll sleep on a chair.  It doesn’t matter.  I can take a nap during the day.”  And that was it.  I asked and I received… and I was relieved.

This may sound corny, but I’m proud of myself for making the request.  The communication wonder listed in my book is true:

Communication Wonder: When you want something, ask for it. People don’t know what you want, only you do.

When’s the last time you asked your mate for what you wanted?  Was it hard or easy to get the words out of your mouth?  Are you more outspoken at home or in public?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 28th, 2010 at 4:29 pm and is filed under Emotional Support, Verbal Communication. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.