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I’m not saying that all men need training, but if you read Tarzan’s guest post “MAN UP!” and printed out a copy for your partner to read, then you might appreciate this list of what I call “teachable moments for fathers-to-be and new dads.” Yes, your guy should want to help, but what if he doesn’t? That’s when you have to take the next step. You’ve got to teach him and then give him some room for error. Keep in mind that if you give your man a fish he will eat for a day, but if you teach your man to fish both of you will eat for a lifetime.

5 Teachable Moments for Fathers-to-be and New Dads

1) Teach the Grocery Shopping Slacker 
“I asked for ripe bananas! These are green and hard as a rock!” Sound like something you might say? If your mate is a slacker at the supermarket, take him on a tour. Go to the supermarket together and teach him the look, feel and smell technique to select quality ripe fruit and vegetables. Show him the varieties of milk. Point out where the expiration dates are on the perishables and explain that he must pick one with a later date so you have more time before it sours. Also point out the type of meats (prime, choice, lean) that you prefer. Take supermarket notes (yes, take the notes for him, to be sure they are correct).

2) Have a Laundry Party
For some reason even the tech-savvy guy has trouble working the washer and dryer. Without going into the reasons for this gap in his abilities, explain that you’d like him to do the baby’s laundry, and maybe yours and his too, on Sundays (or pick another day) and then say, “Since I have to do laundry right now, let’s do it together.” Show him step-by-step, how to separate the colors and whites and how to add detergent. Take laundry notes: write down the steps on a piece of paper and tape it to the wall by the machine or by the laundry bag in your home.

3) Let Mr. Clean Come to the Rescue
How many times has your partner even opened the cleaning closet in your home? You know, the place where you keep extra rolls of toilet paper, tissues, the cleaning supplies and the vacuum. Does he even know where it is? If you want him to use the Resolve fluid on the carpet after the baby spits up, then he’s got to know where it is and how to use it before the baby makes its mark. Organize the cleaning closet together so he knows where it is and what’s in there. Talk about the use of each product. Again, your tech savvy man may find the vacuum cleaner harder to use than a new Ipod. No worries. Teach him. Take notes and tape them to the wall in the closet.

4) Empower Him at the Drugstore
When you are desperate for diapers or baby food and you send your partner out to get some, he had better get the right kind! To be sure he does, take an advance trip to the baby aisle at the drugstore. Point out the logic of diapers, explain the levels based on a baby’s age, also different types for crawlers, cruisers and walkers. There are different brands. Let him know exactly what your baby uses or will use. Also, show him the baby medicines and point out that they are DIFFERENT from children’s medicines. I have one friend whose husband brought home Children’s Tylenol for the 3-week old baby. Yikes! That would have seriously harmed the baby if mommy hadn’t stepped in.

5) Tie Him Up… in a Baby Carrier
Yes, all men should be willing to diaper, feed, hold and rock their babies to sleep. But, if your husband is reluctant, then patiently teach him how to do each of those things and, most importantly teach him how to use a baby carrier. Many babies, even fussy ones, become calm and sweet when they are in it. The best thing about the baby carriers on the market today is that they fit men and women, of all sizes. Buy one and practice putting it on without help (because you’ll be alone with the baby when you need it most). If your guy knows how to use it, this will make him feel calmer about being left alone with the baby and doing the tasks that could cause baby to get all riled up.

Whenever your partner acts on something you taught him, show appreciation. Positive reinforcement is a good thing! It really is possible that he’s been afraid to help out because he didn’t know how to do it right. If you teach and then leave room for imperfection, you might just discover that your mate turns a new leaf.

HAVE YOU MOTIVATED YOUR PARTNER TO MAN UP? HOW DID HE REACT?

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 27th, 2009 at 11:47 am and is filed under Balance & Fairness, Roles & Responsibilities. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.