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When I was single I was selfishly happy. Not in a hurtful way to others, but in a natural way because I was my number one priority. Those were the days when I could choose whatever time was best for me to socialize, eat, sleep, work or take a long, hot shower.

Then I got married and that selfish feeling began to diminish, for good reason. That selfish single “me” became a less selfish “we.” I’d wake up in the morning and make coffee and eggo waffles for both of us. We’d take our turns using the bathroom, and then talk about what would be best for us to do together that evening or weekend day.

Then I had a baby. In just one day I went from a slightly selfish “we” to a totally unselfish three. Sleep? No way, I have to feed a baby. Eat? Whatever’s leftover will do. Socialize? No thanks, I have to save up my energy for those early mornings. Bathroom time, um, better hold it in until later. The baby needs a diaper change, like right now. When the newborn stage moved to the baby stage things calmed down a bit. I might have tried to take a relaxing bath while my husband cared for our son, but then I’d hear my son’s whaling cry and oh, well, maybe I should go help. So I’d shut off the water and scrap the bubble bath for a quickie shower.

Now my lower back is hurting from carrying my little guy around. So the other day I made a purely selfish decision: I’d pick him up less. But as soon as he grabbed my leg and cried and begged, “up, up, up” and then kept going on begging me for a “hug, hug, hug” my unselfish habit kicked in and up he went in my arms for a hug. Ah, foiled again!

Note to self: don’t be such a pushover.

I wish I could retrieve some of my selfishness from my single days because now I’m a wanna-be selfish mom. Meagan Francis, a mom of five, blogger at The Happiest Mom, encourages all moms to “practice planned acts of selfishness: time and money and energy we set aside to promote our own self-interests…”

Back in July, Meagan wrote an article on babble.com about how she’s not going to pay for her kids’ college education. She was accused of being selfish. And she didn’t like the accusation at first, but then she changed her mind and wrote about it on her blog The Happiest Mom:

“Somehow, for moms being selfish is regarded as the worst possible sin…. There’s no shame in being selfish once in a while. And I believe our kids learn important lessons when they see us taking care of ourselves, whether it’s by planning for our own retirements instead of running ourselves into the red every month in order to provide for them, or by refilling our emotional “well” by taking much-deserved time away doing something just for ourselves.”

Before I had a baby I never would have thought that I’d want to be more selfish. But over time, with increased motherly confidence and living in a semi-permanent state of fatigue, I came to the realization that I won’t be the great mom I want to be unless I take care of myself. I can’t use up all my energy on my career and my child leaving only emotional scraps for everyone else.

I have a plan! Maybe I’ll make small changes. I’ll choose one selfish deed to do each day. Today, I will call my good friend and have a nice long chat and I will make a dinner plan with her for next week. And that dinner will happen, no matter what… unless my son isn’t feeling well or I’m too exhausted, or my husband can’t be home that night, and the list goes on…

Are you a selfish mom or a wanna-be selfish mom? Do you ever feel guilty about doing something just for yourself? Do you think it’s wrong? How do you know if you’re too selfish or doing the right thing to take care of yourself?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 at 1:35 pm and is filed under Family, Health & Wellness, Life-Style. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.