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Every expecting couple has the same conversation: Should the man go with his pregnant partner to the monthly, and then weekly, OB-GYN appointments? Some men want to go and others don’t. What’s the right thing to do?

The answer is that you should share the experience as much as is practically possible. The first factor to consider is: can the father-to-be miss time at work without reducing his pay or missing important deadlines and meetings? If it’s not easy for him to get out of the office, then it might be best for the family well-being that he only attends some of the more significant appointments, such as the ones where you see or hear the heartbeat for the first time, have an ultrasound, find out the sex and have an anatomy check. That’s what my husband and I decided to do.

I usually had a long wait time before my appointment, so I go to the doctor myself and when the patient prior to me was called in, I’d call my hubby to give him the green light to head on over. It was a hectic routine, but it worked for us.

Another factor to consider is whether your pregnancy is high-risk. If you’re especially nervous about your pregnancy, express that to your partner and ask him to come to with you to calm you down and give you the support you need. Then again, some women find that it’s their partner who makes them nervous! If that’s your situation, then there’s no need to attend every appointment together.

One of the reasons my husband wasn’t so keen on participating in every doctor appointment is that the he had zero interest in holding my hand while I had a gynecological exam. That I can understand. Thankfully, most of the exams, until 35 weeks of pregnancy, are external.

Finally, the main reason why you’d go to the doctor together is to make sure that the woman feels supported in her pregnancy. She wants her partner to be involved in the pregnancy and prepare for the baby’s arrival. While she has her growing belly and daily discomforts to keep her alert to the baby growing inside, the man can spend a whole day at work and not have a single reminder that there will soon be a baby sleeping 10 feet from him. This can make her feel slightly alone in the pregnancy experience.

If he can’t attend the doctor appointments for any number of reasons, there are still other ways he can acknowledge the excitement of the baby’s approaching arrival. He could read up on the challenge of breastfeeding,  learn about a baby’s sleep patterns, and learn how to swaddle and play with your baby. Use the Storknet Pregnancy Week-by-Week on-line resource to find out what’s happening in her body and ask her whether she’s experiencing any of these things.

I remember how supported I felt when my husband called me to the home computer to tell me that Sheila’s nausea ended at 12 weeks, so maybe mine would too. We didn’t know Sheila, but he intently read her and other women’s updates in the Pregnancy Buddy Group on babycenter.com. How sweet!

You may want to point him to a few online resources specifically for dads to get him more comfortable with the idea of doctor’s appointments. Here is why Mr. Dad thinks husbands should go with their wives for doctor’s appointments. And Jon, author and blogger for DadTrek: A Dad’s Journey, also agrees.  In Jon’s post, Should Husbands Attend Prenatal Checkups?, he raises an excellent point…

“The second reason to accompany your wife to her prenatal checkups is so that you stay informed. It’s your chance to hear directly from the doctor about how the pregnancy is going. You’ll also have an opportunity to ask your questions.”

All I ask is that you and your partner not obsess over who attends the doctor appointments. It doesn’t need to be a point of conflict. Just find other ways to share the amazing experience of pregnancy.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 9th, 2009 at 5:56 pm and is filed under Emotional Support, Health & Wellness, Roles & Responsibilities. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.