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Diamonds are forever, and so is a name.
How do you pick the right name for your baby? It’s so much pressure! What if your baby hates his name when he’s seven? What about giving him a namesake? Is it better to give your baby a popular name, an uncommon name or should you take inspiration from celebrities and name your child Bronx or Apple? And most of all, what if you and your partner can’t agree on a name?

My spouse wants a popular name and I don’t.
Before you get into that debate, know this: there is no such thing as a name that is too popular. Back in 1977 the most popular names were Jennifer and Michael, each one was given to about 4% (together 8%) of all babies born that year. In 2007 the most popular names were Emily and Jacob, each one given to about 1% of babies born that year, that’s 1 out of 100. If there are 25 kids in your child’s class, it’s most likely that no one will have his or her name. We can thank our cultural creativity for inventing so many new names that no one name is common anymore. So if your partner wants a name that’s in the top 20 for 2008, don’t ignore the suggestion, realize that no name is too popular anymore.

My spouse wants an old-fashioned name, but I’m afraid our son will hate it.
I received an e-mail from a distressed woman who told me that her husband has a “family name” of Chester for six generations. He wants to pass the name onto their baby boy, but she is against it because she thinks the name is outdated and their son will hate it. My advice: your child will probably hate any name you give him.

My name is Laurie and I’m very happy with that name today. But when I was 7, I felt rebellious. I wanted to change my name or at least change the spelling to something better. I would call myself Lori instead of Laurie. It would be a secret change, except for the times that I had to sign my name. This plan lasted for a few weeks until my first grade teacher Miss Master forbade me from handing in assignments with that spelling at the top. I didn’t want to get in to trouble so I caved. Soon enough I accepted the length and numerous vowels in my name and even grew to like it. So don’t worry about whether your child will like his name. He will rebel and then it will become part of him and he will accept it. And if worse comes to worst, your child can always pick a nickname he or she likes.

What about a namesake?
Many people give their child the name of another person, usually a relative, when they want the child to live in honor or memory of that person. This can be touchy issue when you and your spouse each want a different namesake. Perhaps you are close with your grandmother and you know how happy it would make her to pass her name on to your baby girl, while your husband and his mom are close to his aunt who didn’t have any children and they want to honor her. What do you do? You have four choices.

• Choice 1: you pick neither.
• Choice 2: you flip a coin.
• Choice 3: you pick both, one as a first name and the other as a middle name, and
• Choice 4: you pick one for this child and the other for your next child, of course this only applies if you plan to have more children. You might save the one that’s more flexible with name variations that could work for a boy or girl.

BEWARE OF FAMILY ADVICE:
It’s not easy to pick a name, but don’t ask other family members for suggestions unless both you and your spouse agree that you really want to hear other people’s opinions. (See my previous blog post, Over-sharing: Setting Boundaries on What’s Public or Private, for more insight.) I guarantee that you will hear tons of them. Know that if you include your parents in the process, then you must be fair and include your spouse’s parents too.

One final suggestion, unless your baby is due next week, you don’t have to pick out a name today. Put down the baby name books and let the topic go for a while. Then maybe, just maybe you will hear a name that inspires both of you to say, “This one’s for us!”

If you’re thinking about naming your little one, visit these websites I like for name rankings:

Social Security Administration’s Popular Baby Names

Baby Name Wizard (check out the Name Voyager function)

This entry was posted on Monday, April 13th, 2009 at 6:14 pm and is filed under Baby Prep, Family, Public vs. Private. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.