Comments on: Struggling to Conceive: How to Halt the Advice-Givers http://www.expectingwords.com/struggling-to-conceive-how-to-halt-the-advice-givers Helping expecting couples find the right words at the right times Wed, 08 Sep 2010 02:28:37 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Cheryl Givner http://www.expectingwords.com/struggling-to-conceive-how-to-halt-the-advice-givers/comment-page-1#comment-681 Cheryl Givner Thu, 29 Oct 2009 21:16:35 +0000 http://expectingwords.com/?p=586#comment-681 I can so relate to this topic. I got so much advice when we were TTC that when I bought my ovulation predictor kit, Ovu-trac, I was chastised for TRYING TOO HARD and NOT LETTING WHAT WILL HAPPEN, HAPPEN!!! They did not understand how frustrated we were!!! And to hear that my purchase was a waste of money! It was useless to tell them the benefits of the kit, being reuseable, saliva based, and individual to my body chemistry. What it really did was help me relax which is key in conceiving! These well-wishers just stressed me out which was counterproductive!! I can so relate to this topic. I got so much advice when we were TTC that when I bought my ovulation predictor kit, Ovu-trac, I was chastised for TRYING TOO HARD and NOT LETTING WHAT WILL HAPPEN, HAPPEN!!! They did not understand how frustrated we were!!! And to hear that my purchase was a waste of money! It was useless to tell them the benefits of the kit, being reuseable, saliva based, and individual to my body chemistry. What it really did was help me relax which is key in conceiving! These well-wishers just stressed me out which was counterproductive!!

]]> By: krot http://www.expectingwords.com/struggling-to-conceive-how-to-halt-the-advice-givers/comment-page-1#comment-494 krot Fri, 21 Aug 2009 21:41:11 +0000 http://expectingwords.com/?p=586#comment-494 Here's the way I see it. To announce that you are TTC is exactly like announce that you indeed have sex regularly and you do not use any contraceptives. Both seem to me very personal and sensitive information that personally I never share with anybody else. As a matter of fact people usually don't share this kind of information with me neither and if they do, it is rather an exception. So if you feel comfortable about sharing this with others, why aren't you comfortable about discussing it or answering them honestly? Something here is just not right. There are topics that just not for everyone - sex, death, money etc. Here’s the way I see it. To announce that you are TTC is exactly like announce that you indeed have sex regularly and you do not use any contraceptives.
Both seem to me very personal and sensitive information that personally I never share with anybody else. As a matter of fact people usually don’t share this kind of information with me neither and if they do, it is rather an exception.

So if you feel comfortable about sharing this with others, why aren’t you comfortable about discussing it or answering them honestly?
Something here is just not right.

There are topics that just not for everyone – sex, death, money etc.

]]> By: Anabel Montiel http://www.expectingwords.com/struggling-to-conceive-how-to-halt-the-advice-givers/comment-page-1#comment-481 Anabel Montiel Wed, 05 Aug 2009 20:29:06 +0000 http://expectingwords.com/?p=586#comment-481 I've recently been through a miscarriage and I've had to listen to a lot of people telling me what I should do to get pregnant the next time, which, of course, made me feel kind of bad (and guilty) because of expressions like "now you'll have the opportunity to be more carefull", like I wasn't carefull enough the last time and although they said it wasn't my fault, this kind of says the opposite. However, I feel like most people are really trying to help, they just don't know how, and adding awkwardness to our relationship with them won't really solve much. I've found that I don't have to tell them that they bother me to make things better. Every time someone says something I don't like (nor need) I tell them what I do need, like "I know you're trying to help, but, believe me, we're getting all the professional advise we can and have read a lot about the subject. What I really need from you is your support, and I know I have it, thank you"... or something like that. Another thing that also helps me is when other women tell me their experiences not like trying to "teach" me, but more like wanting to share and acompany me. Sometimes I also ask for that. :) I’ve recently been through a miscarriage and I’ve had to listen to a lot of people telling me what I should do to get pregnant the next time, which, of course, made me feel kind of bad (and guilty) because of expressions like “now you’ll have the opportunity to be more carefull”, like I wasn’t carefull enough the last time and although they said it wasn’t my fault, this kind of says the opposite.

However, I feel like most people are really trying to help, they just don’t know how, and adding awkwardness to our relationship with them won’t really solve much.

I’ve found that I don’t have to tell them that they bother me to make things better. Every time someone says something I don’t like (nor need) I tell them what I do need, like “I know you’re trying to help, but, believe me, we’re getting all the professional advise we can and have read a lot about the subject. What I really need from you is your support, and I know I have it, thank you”… or something like that.

Another thing that also helps me is when other women tell me their experiences not like trying to “teach” me, but more like wanting to share and acompany me. Sometimes I also ask for that.

:)

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