The Top Five Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me BEFORE the Baby Came
Posted by Laurie
If there’s one word to describe our guest blogger Vicki Glembocki, it’s “honest.” When parenthood feels like you’ve been hit by a two by four, it’s time to find yourself a copy of her best-selling memoir, “The Second Nine Months: One Woman Tells the Real Truth About Becoming a Mom…Finally.” Within minutes of picking up the book, you will laugh out loud and feel comforted by the knowledge that whatever your situation, Vicki had it worse!
Her numerous magazine articles and television appearances, including an interview on Oprah, led to her Oprah.com blog: Blunt Force Mama focusing on the trials and tribulations of raising young children. We asked my friend Vicki to share her top 5 list of what she wished she knew before she had a baby. Here, she graciously answers that question with her typical Vicki-like honesty. Thank you, Vicki.
Five Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me BEFORE the Baby Came
Vicki Glembocki
1. Embrace your maternity clothes
Six weeks in with new baby, I decided to go out in public officially to a Baby and Me meeting at the hospital where I delivered. I pulled out a pair of shorts, previously known as my “fat shorts.” I couldn’t squeeze one thigh into them (then proceeded to blame my husband for drying them all the way in the dryer). I tried a skirt with a drawstring waist–no go over my hips. I tried a beach cover-up–nursing boobs too big. After trying on just about ever item of clothing I owned, which left my bedroom looking like it used to the night before a high school mixer, I opened the drawer with the maternity clothes. I wore those clothes for the following six months. SIX months. My mother reprimanded me for complaining: “You know why
your body is baluga whale-ish.” Yes. I knew why. I wouldn’t have traded that baby for anything. But, two months in, when you’re still hoisting in your gut with eight-inch-wide elastic bands, it can feel like the end of the world.
2. Babies cry
Like, a lot. You will try everything-feeding, sleeping, finger-sucking, binkies, bouncing, rocking, baby-wearing, placing carseats on the dryer. And, sometimes, nothing will work. And you will feel like something is wrong with you, because parents are supposed to be able to calm their babies, to stop them from crying. Well…there is nothing wrong with you.
3. You will want to kill your husband
Here is something I learned last year, when my older daughter was three: studies show that the first year with new baby is the hardest on a marriage. Well, that would have been a helpful bit of intel. Because I thought there was no place to go but divorce, what with me needing him to help more, and him not knowing what I wanted him to do because I didn’t know what to do myself, and me listening to him sleep while I nursed half the night away every single night for almost a year, and him thinking it was still okay to go to the gym after work everyday. I threatened to leave him. Literally. Packed bags and everything. (I never intended to go. Just wanted to get the point across.) I’m certain we would have been easier on each other had we known this.
4. All the time, people will say to you, “Call if you need anything”? Call them.
Repeat this to yourself: “asking for help is not a weakness, asking for help doesn’t somehow prove you’re a bad mother, asking for help may actually get you a home-cooked meal, brought to your door by a neighbor, who will hold the baby while you eat it.” This is good.
5. You are not alone
You will wonder if you might be the only person on the planet who doesn’t have the parental gene. You will watch other parents and you will think, “Why do they have it together, and why am I sucking?” Here’s the secret: all new parents are freaking out. This is the biggest-ever transition in your life-yesterday? No baby. Today? Baby. It’s big for everyone. If they say they aren’t freaking out, they’re lying.
Vicki Glembocki is the author of “The Second Nine Months: One Woman Tells the Real Truth About Becoming a Mom…Finally“. She’s been on Oprah (!), writes for magazines like Reader’s Digest, Parents, Ladies Home Journal, and Women’s Health, and lives outside of Philadelphia with her daughters, Blair (4) and Drew (2) and her very patient husband Thad.
What’s your top 5 list of what you wished you knew before you had a baby? If you’re expecting, what do you wish someone had told you about pregnancy?
This entry was posted on Monday, August 17th, 2009 at 10:22 am and is filed under Baby Prep, Favorite Mommy Blog Posts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.
UMMMMM yeah and everyone who looks like they sail through this is a big fat liar…or a little skinny liar as the case maybe
I had a c section and remember quite clearly waking up the next morning thinking, why do I still look and feel pregnant? (maybe because for 9 months, I never said no to ice cream, cookies and whatever else & gained 65 lbs!)
I really was under the impression that I would waltz out of the hospital in regular clothes.
well, for months after – forget maternity clothes. I wore pj’s all the way up until I went back to work
Yes – those maternity clothes will be needed for a while – it would be nice to go right back to the “thin” clothes but that won’t happen for a while
Talking about wanting to kill your husband… when I got home from hospital with our new bundle, hubby had to decorate a flat for new tennants moving in. That week he worked until 2am each day. He overworked himself so much that he fell ill with a virus. He was so grumpy and wanting to taken care of I chucked him out of the house saying…. but I’ve just had a baby – I can’t cope with two babies! Needless to say, I called him back 3 hours later! The first two weeks were so hard, I’d almost say ‘hellish’.
Eight months later, and we are all good…. so just wanted to add that if you are suffering sleepless nights, arguments and feeling like a zombie milking machine – it does get better!
Ali x