Top 5 Rude Comments Pregnant Women Field
Posted by Laurie
Two days after I gave birth at a hospital in Manhattan, my husband and I joyfully embarked upon our ride home with our new baby boy. We videotaped our efforts to hail a cab (we decided a cab would be easier than parking our car in a garage blocks away), fumble with the car seat and buckle in our baby boy. As I tended to my boy in the back of the taxi, everything was wonderful, until I overheard the driver joke to my husband sitting in the front seat, “When she’s due? She looks like she still has a bun in the oven.” NOT FUNNY! And my husband didn’t miss a beat admonishing the driver. But, having been through nine months of pregnancy, I had already heard it all.
I don’t know of any pregnant mom who doesn’t have a story that begins with, “You won’t believe what someone said to me!” Often, I couldn’t.
1. “You look like you’re getting fat.“
My friend, who avidly reads this blog (thank you!), announced her pregnancy at work about four months in. Her boss’s response? “Oh so that explains your belly bulge. I didn’t think you were the kind of woman who would let herself go like that.”
2. “I’ll bet you’re having twins.“
Another friend was asked, “Do twins run in your family? You’ve gotten so big so fast that I think you might be having twins. You should really ask your doctor to look closer at your next ultrasound.”
3. “Wow. You’re having another baby? Was it an accident? 
If you face a question like that, change the topic with tact, “You sure know how to make a pregnant woman feel special!” Whether you’re pregnant with number two or you’re aiming to be like Mrs. Dugger with 19 kids, that’s your business.
4. “If you breastfeed, you’ll burn an extra 500 calories a day!”
Please, don’t add a body image reason for why we absolutely have to breastfeed. And moreover, burning more calories is nice, but it apparently makes you hungrier. Selma Hayek exclaimed on the Oprah Winfrey show that breastfeeding could have helped her lose weight, as long as she was willing to also endure constant hunger.
5. “Sleep now because you’ll never sleep again.“
First of all, most pregnant women have trouble sleeping, so it’s not easy to practice this well-intentioned advice. And second of all, whatever happens will happen, so why stress us out in advance? We do know that everything is going to change after the baby arrives. Pregnancy doesn’t lower our intelligence quotient so we are quite capable of reading books and blogs to know what to expect.
So my pregnant friends, I urge you to discard the rude comments from your relatives, co-workers, friends and strangers. But do share them with your partner to be sure he doesn’t add to your list of rude pregnancy comments. And for the dads-to-be reading this post, please, please counteract the rudeness by complimenting your pregnant partner’s beauty once a day!
Ladies, whatever jabs you get while pregnant, remember that the rude stream of comments has an end date so take them in stride. Then you can move on to reading the Top 10 Things New Moms Don’t Want to Hear, written up quite nicely at the BellyItch blog.
Gals, what rude comments did you hear while pregnant? What did you say back to the person? Guys, what do you really think about your pregnant lady’s egg-shaped figure? Do you talk to her about her appearance truthfully, semi-truthfully or do you plead the fifth?
This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 at 5:41 pm and is filed under Self-Image, Verbal Communication. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response.
When I was pregnant, I wanted to have a t-shirt made that said:
March.
We’re not finding out.
I’m feeling fine.
Not that the questions were rude…but I was so…sick…of…answering them…constantly…to people on the train, even…
September 16th, 2009 at 3:10 pmIt’s all soooo true. I felt like getting a t-shirt like Vicki’s, too!
I most hated people thinking it was OK to touch my stomach, just because I was pregnant. Because it wasn’t remotely OK, just yucky.
September 17th, 2009 at 2:53 pmMy husband would tell me I look elegant and egglike. Is that supposed to be a compliment?
September 17th, 2009 at 4:20 pmI’ve got two contenders…
1. “You have time to have sex??!!” from my boss, when announcing my fourth pregnancy.
2. “Here comes the great white whale!” from a co-worker, when 9 months pregnant and wearing a crisp white shirt.
Love where I work!!
September 18th, 2009 at 8:44 amI’m finding a lot of hostility toward a planned c-section. Maybe I’m just defensive, but people seem to give me the third degree about why I’m doing it and telling me that vaginal birth isn’t that bad. And frankly, I don’t want to share all my medical issues with them and debate what my doctors and I have decided is healthiest for both me and the baby.
I did have one mom at school congratulate me on finding time to have sex, but overall, I am just getting people saying I am glowing and that pregnancy agrees with me.
September 18th, 2009 at 10:41 amMy first is a year old, and my second is due in two months. I am so tired of people asking me “Don’t you know what causes that?!”
Of COURSE I know. And yes, we have sex. We’re MARRIED, and newlyweds (under 2 years) at that! No, it’s not planned, I’m allergic to Latex. Would you like me to go into detail about the rash?
I tend to be a little braver than them, so my tendancy is to keep talking about the details until they are more embarrassed than I am (or at least, thoroughly embarrassed).
Honestly, though… how does anyone who has an avid fear of pills and a major allergy to latex keep from getting pregnant when she’s married?!?
September 21st, 2009 at 6:41 pmI have a shirt that reads: Ask, then touch.
Though I wanted one that read: If you didn’t put the baby in here, you can’t touch.
“Did you swallow a watermelon seed?” – one of my husband’s friends was trying to be funny, because I was eating watermelon at the time and at that time my baby bump was getting bigger and that was the first time he saw it. But I didn’t find that funny. I gave him a not so nice look, my husband was standing there in the kitchen, looked at his friend and smacked him across the back of the head. He didn’t like that and asked: what was that for? My husband goes: It was either her or me, and I’m closer so…and you’re an idiot.
Also: “I thought you weren’t going to have kids”.
My response: Just because we didn’t tell you or the world that we were planning on having a family doesn’t mean we never talked about it or it wasn’t planned.
Seriously, just because someone doesn’t tell you that they are planning to have a family or are trying, doesn’t mean they aren’t. And if they are, its not really your business but their own. (That’s another one of my responses)
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:49 amWas it planned?
October 18th, 2009 at 9:42 pmMy own mother-in-law asked me this. Need I say more?
I once had a stranger ask me if it was a boy or girl while standing outside of a hospital. I told him it was a boy and as the small talk went on, I explained that none of the grandkids on either side are girls. He said “I bet I can change that.” and gave the the most disgusting look ever. Some people have NO class.
October 24th, 2009 at 11:04 amI was most surprised when I told a male coworker that I was three months pregnant and he replied, “Well, I wondered.” I said, “Oh wow. I didn’t realize that I was showing yet.” He said, “Well, yeah you’ve gained a little weight and your breasts have gotten a whole lot bigger!” Later the same person commented after someone told me that I was glowing that he just didn’t think of pregnant women as “glowing.” I should have reminded him in front of everyone that he tends to appreciate the attributes of early pregnancy.
My least favorite comment now that I am eight months along is, “Oh, he’s going to be a BIG baby!” I really want to tell people to just shut the heck up =:(
December 27th, 2009 at 8:46 pmI think it is best to treat expecting mothers just like any other person. Pregnancy is so fascinating but it is best to keep comments to oneself.
January 5th, 2010 at 7:21 amA co worker of mine left last week to have her baby this week. Earlier this evening a co worker from the accounts department came in and asked in as loud as he could “How’s Alicia – did she “put down” yet?”
January 18th, 2010 at 2:30 pmHere, the term is used to describe a cow having a calf – I thought it was the most rude and disgusting thing to say! I even heard him ask once ” Did she “drop” yet?” Its another farm term used to describe cows having calves.
No wonder he uses such crass comments – he must be a pig from a farm! – loser.
My boyfriends mother can be quite rude at times and even snotty. I went over to her house and had my feet up on the table because they were so swollen and I was miserable. I was about 8 months pregnant and it was in August when it is so hot outside. She walked up to me and said “hi fat feet”. Yes my feet were really swollen as were my ankles and of course I already felt fat and uncomfortable, but she didn’t need to say that to me!!!! I just can’t believe some of the stuff that comes out of peoples mouths without them thinking about someone else’s feeling first! I’m pregnant right now with my second at 7 months and I don’t have any swelling so far, but I also stay away from my boyfriends mom so I don’t have to hear any of her rude and annoying comments anymore. I guess you can tell I don’t like her very much anymore!
January 27th, 2010 at 6:39 pmThe rudest thing said to me while pregnant would have to be when my husband, 18-month-old son and I (about 7 months pregnant with our second son) were at a museum. We were sitting at a bench relaxing for a few minutes after walking for 2 hours around the place. As we went to get up to start our journey again, the guard for the museum yells across the place at us. He said “Hey, hey can I ask you a question?” I replied “Yes.” He then asked me if I was pregnant again? I said “Yes.” And he said “Wow, so close together huh?” I looked at my husband whom was also in disgust of the guy’s comment plus the attitude that went along with it. We didn’t say anything just rolled our eyes at him and walked away. I almost felt like reporting him to the museum but decided it wasn’t worth it. What nerve! Like it was any of his business!
January 30th, 2010 at 5:42 pm